Top 13 Douche Bag Cars List *Updated*
03-31-2007
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Top 13 Douche Bag Cars List *Updated* Top 10 Douche Bag Cars List.........I found this and thought it was funny....if everyone has seen this already im sorry...also sorry to people who own cars on the list I didn't make it. Just thought it was funny, so nothing personal
..13 Maserati: This car is in the number 10 spot only because of their lack of prescence on the road. Typical of a mid-30s douchebag, these cars can be found with their either wealthy or stupidly indebted owners driving like complete morons in thick midday traffic. When they aren't trying to impress high school sophomores with their rad fake ferraris they can be found laying black marks into onramps and nearly taking out soccer moms when they fail to signal while playing NASCAR on the highway.
..12 Civic Si:
While most civics are owned by sensible motorists just wanting cheap transport, a small group of teenage douchebags, empowered by the fantastic scenes of speed in The Fast and the Fictious have decided that one car stands above all else as a powerhouse road rocket. They have chosen the anemic Civic Si to show the rest of the commuting world just who's boss. With it's stunning 170 HP, these buzzfarting pests can be seen slowly bumbling through traffic, racecar style, sometimes passing on shoulders and turn lanes to prove their macho vehicles are faster than anything they happen to pass, most of the time when no "race" of any sort is taking place.
..11 Land Rover Discovery (series I or II): With an effort never before seen, this epitome of Douche Bag vehicles lumbers across four lanes in high traffic, only to smack on their brakes before fully entering their lane. Whether it's a soccer mom pulling out of "Mickey D's" with her *** load of kids, or a new college grad who got his first job as a bank teller and spent a whopping 7000 dollars on his "luxury" vehicle...you're about to get douched. You're about to get douched big time. That 4.0 (3.9 in some) V-8 can really zoom when the pedal is mashed to the floor, too bad the Discovery weighs 42 tons and creeps along at a nauseating pace. Once you get behind one of these a** clowns, good luck getting around them. It's like looking around a 6 foot wide cereal box that keeps moving over when you do. Thank you Discovery owners everywhere...thank you for showing that the truly "douche baggy" here in America drive a British Land Yacht. May you rot in hell.(Cato1978)
..10 BMW 3-Series: Everyone's encountered these douchebags on the road. Yuppie with a cell phone up to his ear, crappy eurotrash technomusic blaring, chinese knock-off designer sunglasses on and a pink polo shirt with the collar popped like a pro. This metro douchebag has only one thing on his mind when he's driving, and that's proving how big a douchebag he really is to any and all drivers on the road. When you are at an intersection with a lane that ends, he will try to race you to get in front of you, when you are doing 15 over on the freeway, he will pretend to be agitated and floor his mighty 220 HP mill to flyby you and show that his vehicle is meant for autobahn speeds. Apparently the warranty as a clause about a free replacement vehicle if the car is damaged while running a red light or stop sign, regardless of age or mileage, so be careful when these crowning douchebags pull their ultimate driving machine up to the line, they might just cross it!
..9 The White, Beat-Up Ford F150 Construction Pickup: These drivers are so frustrated to have to drive some else's ten-year-old mule to work that they drive it in a way most likely to total it, even if it's 90 mph in 50 mph commute traffic. When traffic rolls to a stop, you'll find these douchebags in the left-hand refuge shoulder, along side of the rest of the traffic that stopped too suddenly for a s***box full of 1000 lbs of paint and hammers. Inside the cab can be found either a newly-divorced and newly hungover white construction foreman or four crammed-together semi-legal migrant workers. Neither group has a single valid driver's license between any of them. (Bires)
..8 Dodge Ram: This list wouldn't be complete without the country douchebag cousin. Out of all the trucks, none has spurned a douchebag craze like the Hemi toting ram. With it's big grille, sunburnt, dirty, tattoo'd arm hanging out the window, and a confederate flag adorning the rear window, this truckload of douchebaggery will bear down on any little car that happens to be in front of them, tail gating them until they can snarl their overstressed engine to gradually pass by. Loud and awful sounding exhausts along with gun racks and cam seat covers are common place on these rural douche haulers. Just make sure you have a decent bit of distance between these tailgating SOBs if you decide to brake check these lunatics, trucks aren't known for their ability to stop.
..7 Hybrid Cars: Don't be surprised when the most common site of a hybrid car you see is the rear end, because if you get stuck behind one of these bare-foot, tree-hugging environmentalists, you'll be there a while. Relax though, because with those ultra low emissions you'll be breathing clean, 45 MPH air. These crunchy granola vehicle drivers are often found in groups. If you're unsure you've stumbled onto a group of these long haired peace fighters you need only to walk by them and take in that tangy smell of fresh body odor; "All Natural," supposedly. At least their cars don't f*** up the air for the rest of us... (cato1978)
..6 Trans-Am: A hardy choice for a midlevel douchebag, Trans-ams are notorious for their owners complete lack of self control when it comes to showing off their badass plastic muscle car. Revving their obnoxiously loud engines at anything with 4 wheels and an audible engine, these douchebags are always looking for a chance to show off their douchebaggery. More often than not, some slack-jawed yokel, upon being called such, will utter phrases like "well what do you drive" or "my ****'s faster'n yours". This boondock douchebag call, while not limited to trans-am drivers, is often followed by a big burnout , no matter how thick the traffic is, and a middle finger. It should be noted, these douchebags appear to network with other douchebags to form douche convoys.
..5 Camaro SS: The companion douchebag to the trans-am, these ****y bastards have taken a notch above the trans-am because of the ego boost their SS badge gives them. SS, standing for Super Small, is a reference to their ***** size. Often the SS douchebag (lol sounds like a ship full of pussies) will try to show off for his inbred girlfriend by racing vehicles that aren't acknowledging a race, or participating in the douchebaggery of trans-am owners, as stated above. On top of burnouts, donuts, and being obnoxious, they firmly believe the SS badge of their Camaro gives them super powers over other Camaros, even V8s, inspite of a weight difference not over come by the marginal power difference.
..4 Mustang Cobra: The crowning douchebag of the V8, the Mustang Cobra reigns supreme in their ****like douchebaggery. Cobra douchebags suffer from a Napoleonic complex that their cars are the greatest vehicles ever made. The fact that can be fast is the primary fuel for this ego. However, when these douchebags are bested they fall back on a douchebag cliche as old as time. People who think their car sucks are jealous of it, and wish they could afford the bourgeois pricetag of a $27000-$30000 car. They are also prone to excuse making, from the design of the car, to the fact that some of these douchebags just don't know how to drive them. These are all excuses levied to try and quell the flood of criticism of the small-*****, arrogant douchebag when they try to show off more than they are able.
..3 Subaru STi: The douchebag mobile for the 21st century is here. Complete with a simulated ***** enlarging function that gives the owners of these fugly shopping carts with engines the feeling they are more masculine than they truely are. Again spouting claims of jealous or inability to afford a cheap japanese import, the drivers of these cars are the first all-weather douchebags of the list. Because of mass advertising campaigns, the pinheaded morons driving these cars seem to think that any day, rain, snow, shine, or 3" of glaze ice is race day and will not hesitate to prove this to you, even if it means slamming into a telephone pole on a winter day. On top of that, the turbocharged engine gives these ***** a sense of superiority over other vehicles that don't have turbochargers. The douchebags brag about these fascinating pieces of technology, even if they haven't a clue how they work.
..2 Mitsubishi EVO: Thanks to a mass marketed hype, Mitsubishi was able to jump into the douchebag market with the Mitsubishi EVO, an ugly piece of junk that can best be described as a turbocharged chinese takeout box. Because of the hype and aura surrounded by these douchemobiles, their owners think their cars are invincible, able to best every and any car on the road or track, inspite of reality. Again jealousy is an issue with the owners of these rolling dumpsters because we all know people just wish they owned a $30000 Lancer with a hopped up engine. Additional "technology" features (including a massive wing inversely proportional to the owners ***** size) attract quasi-intelligent douchebags to these cars because they can pretend to explain how all the useless marketing features actually make their cars fast. Through extensive douchebag networking, a random douchebag always knows some other douchebag who is a friend of a douchebag with an Evo that runs single digits in the quarter mile. This information is bogus, and often imparted by a douchebag trying to impress non-douchebags about a hyped up douchemobile that he doesn't own. Races with these uber-fast EVOs never materialize either. Fortunately, the hype on these vehicles is fading away, but egos remain higher than ever as a result, with douchebags desperate to prove how badass they can be by racing anything on the road.
and now...
The Number 1 Douchebag Vehicle of All
Dodge Neon SRT4: The ultimate in douchebaggery vehicles. A worthless turd of a vehicle, slapped together by the company that brought you the Ram, comes a douchemobile of unimaginable proportions. There is not a single owner of these vehicles that isnt faithful to the douchebag way of life. Whether it's talking up their slow piece of crap and never running it, making every excuse from the douchebag rolodex of BS reasons why they won't race or lost a race, or simply doing childish douchebag things like weaving, blowing through redlights, flooring it at every opportunity, burnouts in traffic, revving at cars two lanes over and in front of them, racing in traffic, nearly rear ending cars, losing control and flying off a road while attempting to race a car that wasn't race, NASCAR impersonations, trying to show off to their ugly girlfriend how macho they are by being a complete moron, pretending parking lots are rally tracks, and thinking they have the fastest car ever built, SRT4 owners do it all. They are world class, award winning, grade A douchebags that need to be stomped, laughed at, outrun, and outdone in every car related anything they bring their pieces of crap too. Even Dodge thought they created a douchebag monster they couldn't control so they axed it. Above it all, these douchebags are in intense denial about one thing: THEY DRIVE NEONS. Neons will never be cool, respectable, awesome, attractive, or have a legacy other than being pre-form scrap metal. Douche on SRT4 owners, douche on!
..13 Maserati: This car is in the number 10 spot only because of their lack of prescence on the road. Typical of a mid-30s douchebag, these cars can be found with their either wealthy or stupidly indebted owners driving like complete morons in thick midday traffic. When they aren't trying to impress high school sophomores with their rad fake ferraris they can be found laying black marks into onramps and nearly taking out soccer moms when they fail to signal while playing NASCAR on the highway.
..12 Civic Si:
While most civics are owned by sensible motorists just wanting cheap transport, a small group of teenage douchebags, empowered by the fantastic scenes of speed in The Fast and the Fictious have decided that one car stands above all else as a powerhouse road rocket. They have chosen the anemic Civic Si to show the rest of the commuting world just who's boss. With it's stunning 170 HP, these buzzfarting pests can be seen slowly bumbling through traffic, racecar style, sometimes passing on shoulders and turn lanes to prove their macho vehicles are faster than anything they happen to pass, most of the time when no "race" of any sort is taking place...11 Land Rover Discovery (series I or II): With an effort never before seen, this epitome of Douche Bag vehicles lumbers across four lanes in high traffic, only to smack on their brakes before fully entering their lane. Whether it's a soccer mom pulling out of "Mickey D's" with her *** load of kids, or a new college grad who got his first job as a bank teller and spent a whopping 7000 dollars on his "luxury" vehicle...you're about to get douched. You're about to get douched big time. That 4.0 (3.9 in some) V-8 can really zoom when the pedal is mashed to the floor, too bad the Discovery weighs 42 tons and creeps along at a nauseating pace. Once you get behind one of these a** clowns, good luck getting around them. It's like looking around a 6 foot wide cereal box that keeps moving over when you do. Thank you Discovery owners everywhere...thank you for showing that the truly "douche baggy" here in America drive a British Land Yacht. May you rot in hell.(Cato1978)
..10 BMW 3-Series: Everyone's encountered these douchebags on the road. Yuppie with a cell phone up to his ear, crappy eurotrash technomusic blaring, chinese knock-off designer sunglasses on and a pink polo shirt with the collar popped like a pro. This metro douchebag has only one thing on his mind when he's driving, and that's proving how big a douchebag he really is to any and all drivers on the road. When you are at an intersection with a lane that ends, he will try to race you to get in front of you, when you are doing 15 over on the freeway, he will pretend to be agitated and floor his mighty 220 HP mill to flyby you and show that his vehicle is meant for autobahn speeds. Apparently the warranty as a clause about a free replacement vehicle if the car is damaged while running a red light or stop sign, regardless of age or mileage, so be careful when these crowning douchebags pull their ultimate driving machine up to the line, they might just cross it!
..9 The White, Beat-Up Ford F150 Construction Pickup: These drivers are so frustrated to have to drive some else's ten-year-old mule to work that they drive it in a way most likely to total it, even if it's 90 mph in 50 mph commute traffic. When traffic rolls to a stop, you'll find these douchebags in the left-hand refuge shoulder, along side of the rest of the traffic that stopped too suddenly for a s***box full of 1000 lbs of paint and hammers. Inside the cab can be found either a newly-divorced and newly hungover white construction foreman or four crammed-together semi-legal migrant workers. Neither group has a single valid driver's license between any of them. (Bires)
..8 Dodge Ram: This list wouldn't be complete without the country douchebag cousin. Out of all the trucks, none has spurned a douchebag craze like the Hemi toting ram. With it's big grille, sunburnt, dirty, tattoo'd arm hanging out the window, and a confederate flag adorning the rear window, this truckload of douchebaggery will bear down on any little car that happens to be in front of them, tail gating them until they can snarl their overstressed engine to gradually pass by. Loud and awful sounding exhausts along with gun racks and cam seat covers are common place on these rural douche haulers. Just make sure you have a decent bit of distance between these tailgating SOBs if you decide to brake check these lunatics, trucks aren't known for their ability to stop.
..7 Hybrid Cars: Don't be surprised when the most common site of a hybrid car you see is the rear end, because if you get stuck behind one of these bare-foot, tree-hugging environmentalists, you'll be there a while. Relax though, because with those ultra low emissions you'll be breathing clean, 45 MPH air. These crunchy granola vehicle drivers are often found in groups. If you're unsure you've stumbled onto a group of these long haired peace fighters you need only to walk by them and take in that tangy smell of fresh body odor; "All Natural," supposedly. At least their cars don't f*** up the air for the rest of us... (cato1978)
..6 Trans-Am: A hardy choice for a midlevel douchebag, Trans-ams are notorious for their owners complete lack of self control when it comes to showing off their badass plastic muscle car. Revving their obnoxiously loud engines at anything with 4 wheels and an audible engine, these douchebags are always looking for a chance to show off their douchebaggery. More often than not, some slack-jawed yokel, upon being called such, will utter phrases like "well what do you drive" or "my ****'s faster'n yours". This boondock douchebag call, while not limited to trans-am drivers, is often followed by a big burnout , no matter how thick the traffic is, and a middle finger. It should be noted, these douchebags appear to network with other douchebags to form douche convoys.
..5 Camaro SS: The companion douchebag to the trans-am, these ****y bastards have taken a notch above the trans-am because of the ego boost their SS badge gives them. SS, standing for Super Small, is a reference to their ***** size. Often the SS douchebag (lol sounds like a ship full of pussies) will try to show off for his inbred girlfriend by racing vehicles that aren't acknowledging a race, or participating in the douchebaggery of trans-am owners, as stated above. On top of burnouts, donuts, and being obnoxious, they firmly believe the SS badge of their Camaro gives them super powers over other Camaros, even V8s, inspite of a weight difference not over come by the marginal power difference.
..4 Mustang Cobra: The crowning douchebag of the V8, the Mustang Cobra reigns supreme in their ****like douchebaggery. Cobra douchebags suffer from a Napoleonic complex that their cars are the greatest vehicles ever made. The fact that can be fast is the primary fuel for this ego. However, when these douchebags are bested they fall back on a douchebag cliche as old as time. People who think their car sucks are jealous of it, and wish they could afford the bourgeois pricetag of a $27000-$30000 car. They are also prone to excuse making, from the design of the car, to the fact that some of these douchebags just don't know how to drive them. These are all excuses levied to try and quell the flood of criticism of the small-*****, arrogant douchebag when they try to show off more than they are able.
..3 Subaru STi: The douchebag mobile for the 21st century is here. Complete with a simulated ***** enlarging function that gives the owners of these fugly shopping carts with engines the feeling they are more masculine than they truely are. Again spouting claims of jealous or inability to afford a cheap japanese import, the drivers of these cars are the first all-weather douchebags of the list. Because of mass advertising campaigns, the pinheaded morons driving these cars seem to think that any day, rain, snow, shine, or 3" of glaze ice is race day and will not hesitate to prove this to you, even if it means slamming into a telephone pole on a winter day. On top of that, the turbocharged engine gives these ***** a sense of superiority over other vehicles that don't have turbochargers. The douchebags brag about these fascinating pieces of technology, even if they haven't a clue how they work.
..2 Mitsubishi EVO: Thanks to a mass marketed hype, Mitsubishi was able to jump into the douchebag market with the Mitsubishi EVO, an ugly piece of junk that can best be described as a turbocharged chinese takeout box. Because of the hype and aura surrounded by these douchemobiles, their owners think their cars are invincible, able to best every and any car on the road or track, inspite of reality. Again jealousy is an issue with the owners of these rolling dumpsters because we all know people just wish they owned a $30000 Lancer with a hopped up engine. Additional "technology" features (including a massive wing inversely proportional to the owners ***** size) attract quasi-intelligent douchebags to these cars because they can pretend to explain how all the useless marketing features actually make their cars fast. Through extensive douchebag networking, a random douchebag always knows some other douchebag who is a friend of a douchebag with an Evo that runs single digits in the quarter mile. This information is bogus, and often imparted by a douchebag trying to impress non-douchebags about a hyped up douchemobile that he doesn't own. Races with these uber-fast EVOs never materialize either. Fortunately, the hype on these vehicles is fading away, but egos remain higher than ever as a result, with douchebags desperate to prove how badass they can be by racing anything on the road.
and now...
The Number 1 Douchebag Vehicle of All
Dodge Neon SRT4: The ultimate in douchebaggery vehicles. A worthless turd of a vehicle, slapped together by the company that brought you the Ram, comes a douchemobile of unimaginable proportions. There is not a single owner of these vehicles that isnt faithful to the douchebag way of life. Whether it's talking up their slow piece of crap and never running it, making every excuse from the douchebag rolodex of BS reasons why they won't race or lost a race, or simply doing childish douchebag things like weaving, blowing through redlights, flooring it at every opportunity, burnouts in traffic, revving at cars two lanes over and in front of them, racing in traffic, nearly rear ending cars, losing control and flying off a road while attempting to race a car that wasn't race, NASCAR impersonations, trying to show off to their ugly girlfriend how macho they are by being a complete moron, pretending parking lots are rally tracks, and thinking they have the fastest car ever built, SRT4 owners do it all. They are world class, award winning, grade A douchebags that need to be stomped, laughed at, outrun, and outdone in every car related anything they bring their pieces of crap too. Even Dodge thought they created a douchebag monster they couldn't control so they axed it. Above it all, these douchebags are in intense denial about one thing: THEY DRIVE NEONS. Neons will never be cool, respectable, awesome, attractive, or have a legacy other than being pre-form scrap metal. Douche on SRT4 owners, douche on!
Last edited by LT2004ever; 05-17-2007 at 06:45 PM. Reason: added 7,9,11 thanx to Cato1978 & Bires
03-31-2007
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maybe the guy who made this list got spanked by all these cars in his V6 mustang??? maybe???
Si, 3series, STI and EVO are all cars I'd be proud to be a "douchebag" for, lol.
Si, 3series, STI and EVO are all cars I'd be proud to be a "douchebag" for, lol.
03-31-2007
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two of my buddies have neons.. one has an srt4 and its built to the teeth~ hes a tuner, but my other friend has a SE, and its a pos. 
03-31-2007
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I will admit that the SRT4 is a fast car in general. But I also admit the owners can be full of themselves.
I'm gonna agree with you, I've never seen an S2000 being obnoxious in traffic, or the owners being a jackass. I'm sure they're out there, maybe just not frequently enough to make the list.
I'm gonna agree with you, I've never seen an S2000 being obnoxious in traffic, or the owners being a jackass. I'm sure they're out there, maybe just not frequently enough to make the list.
03-31-2007
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Johnbt23 TRUE ^
I for one am a bit taken back and resent the remark of the Si cars. I own an Si and i'm not a DICK!
it's the owners of these vehicles. I have to admit, EASILY without trying do i get all eyes on me and my car when i'm driving as if it's a lambo or something LOL. when driving in a civic or civic (Si) you don't have to try AT ALL to look good or appear to be cool. it's not like i try to look for this type of attention. it just happens with the Si or Civic PERIOD.
NICE POST THOUGH.
its the douchebags that give these cars a bad name. not the car themselves.......
I for one am a bit taken back and resent the remark of the Si cars. I own an Si and i'm not a DICK!
it's the owners of these vehicles. I have to admit, EASILY without trying do i get all eyes on me and my car when i'm driving as if it's a lambo or something LOL. when driving in a civic or civic (Si) you don't have to try AT ALL to look good or appear to be cool. it's not like i try to look for this type of attention. it just happens with the Si or Civic PERIOD.
NICE POST THOUGH. Last edited by Johnold; 03-31-2007 at 01:10 PM.
03-31-2007
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^^^also so so very true
i agree with number 1 lmfao and the evo post ha so true about one of my friends i go to college with
i agree with number 1 lmfao and the evo post ha so true about one of my friends i go to college with
03-31-2007
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Re: Top 10 Douche Bag Cars List
i understand the srt-4.....but why dis the civic si? MAYBE the previous generation Si.....yes....that one was a horrible brain fart of hondas. but we all love our vics on this site! o and dodge ram is 100% right. ha. but for the most part.....its the people themselves that are the douchsebags that give these cars bad names.
03-31-2007
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S2k's owners dont drive around town trying to race everything from a guy on a hover-round to a escalade.
im glad they werent on the listI will admit that the SRT4 is a fast car in general. But I also admit the owners can be full of themselves.
I'm gonna agree with you, I've never seen an S2000 being obnoxious in traffic, or the owners being a jackass. I'm sure they're out there, maybe just not frequently enough to make the list.
I'm gonna agree with you, I've never seen an S2000 being obnoxious in traffic, or the owners being a jackass. I'm sure they're out there, maybe just not frequently enough to make the list.
Johnbt23
TRUE ^
I for one am a bit taken back and resent the remark of the Si cars. I own an Si and i'm not a DICK!
it's the owners of these vehicles. I have to admit, EASILY without trying do i get all eyes on me and my car when i'm driving as if it's a lambo or something LOL. when driving in a civic or civic (Si) you don't have to try AT ALL to look good or appear to be cool. it's not like i try to look for this type of attention. it just happens with the Si or Civic PERIOD. NICE POST THOUGH.
TRUE ^
I for one am a bit taken back and resent the remark of the Si cars. I own an Si and i'm not a DICK!
it's the owners of these vehicles. I have to admit, EASILY without trying do i get all eyes on me and my car when i'm driving as if it's a lambo or something LOL. when driving in a civic or civic (Si) you don't have to try AT ALL to look good or appear to be cool. it's not like i try to look for this type of attention. it just happens with the Si or Civic PERIOD.
NICE POST THOUGH.lol, have u seen the pic on this site about srt's and how "just cause u drive a neon, it doesnt mean its a srt..."???
03-31-2007
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neons will never be cool, very true, and evos, i mean come on, its a built car but its a mitsubishi, the crapiest, most unreliable asian manufacturer. I remember back in the day when I knew that neons were gay and mitsubishis were pos...Now its blurred. GOOD POST
03-31-2007
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Well it looks like on April 23rd I will be the number 3 duchebag. But you know what, Im gonna be damn proud of it.
03-31-2007
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common knowledge and common sense are usually blinded by speed... glad u have not been blinded. lol
03-31-2007
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thats cool man!. if you're ready to pay up LOTS of money for an STI go for it!. i wanted an evo or an STI but i realized that i SHOULD keep it HONDA. I'ma HONDA ***** anyways. I believe that HONDA will always be the make that i'll ALWAYS grow old with. Their reliability is unmatched!. HONDA FTW.
Maybe someday when they decide to make an S2000 FULLY hardtop, i'll go for that!. but untill now, the 07 Si FTW....can't go wrong
Maybe someday when they decide to make an S2000 FULLY hardtop, i'll go for that!. but untill now, the 07 Si FTW....can't go wrong
03-31-2007
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i love the neon owners around here. each one only has one mod done, like tezzas, or a cf hood, or clear bumper lens. haha. oh and i think its a requirement that you have to get a loud bov so everyone can hear the crappy turbo and the backfiring exhaust.
03-31-2007
#30
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Re: Top 10 Douche Bag Cars List
I just wanna know what the guy who wrote this drives. How can you insult a Trans Am? Or a Mustang Cobra? This are awsome cars. The guy probly drives a VW Bus
