Rep Power: 293

okay, i dont have the whole story nor will i type it all out here, but i need words of encouragement just to even go on with life right now. i feel like ****, all covered in ****....no lie.

my ex hates me and will not come down from it (i spoke to her tonite @ the meet in UCF area VERY briefly).
some of my friends have all but bailed on me becuz of this situation.
im prolly about to be in debt if one of my soon-to-be-ex-friend's does what they are threatening.
my car sucks.
my life sucks.
im going nowhere very fast.

i need help. i dont mean to be funny by any means, but i think this is serious and might be a "professional's" job. idk. ive never felt more horrible in my entire life combined. i fvcked up more than any1 can ever imagine is possible and there is no turning back. i cant get her to forget the situation, and i cant forget her. im so stuck right now. i cant go on much longer. i ALMOST hit 100 on university driving blindly without care for others on the road or the possibility of police. im so gone.

love is a MOTHERFVCKING B!TCH! thats all i can say. i really cant think of what to do to fix this issue except removing myself from it. however, i know that will complicate things further and i dont want to do that. i think ive done faaar more than enuf of that bullsh!t to date. ugh, im such a waste of a human being. a mistake. a misfortune........I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!

i dont deserve a girl like Jen. i dont deserve the friends i have and the ones i have left. i dont deserve to be around any more. you guys dont deserve to even be hearing this. but unfortunately, this is my last resort. posting all my sorrows in my EasyJournal has only gotten myself into more trouble. so this is the ONLY forum she doesnt know about; therefore cannot b!tch about me posting in. (OrlandoForums.com, INTMO.com, GainesvilleRacing.com, EvolutionM.net are all out now.)

my first ever love in my lifetime, my virginity was taken, i was only allowed 3 months and 19 days with her till she got bored and moved onto some douchebag (Tony) in Gainesville, and to boot; i MAY have been cheated on back in November before i was OFFICIALLY broken up with in December. how's that for some **** to think about? whether or not your GF @ the time cheated on you without you knowing it. i found out this information thru an informant that came forward to me without asking yesterday (the 4th) but demaning to keep their identity private. this person told me that they KNOW Jen met a guy in G-Ville (Tony) and that he DEFINITELY spent the night the same night. catch 22 guys. some1 like Jen meets a guy in G-Ville like Tony and they spend the night in her room with the door closed all night. what the fvck am i SUPPOSED to think happened??? thats why im so distraught right now other than the fact i fvcked up by not letting go early enuf before things got out of hand. im confused as to whom to believe: my informant's view, my ex-girlfriend that spits on the ground i walk on, the mutual friend of me & Jen (Taylor) or none of the above.

omg this is getting long, its late, i gotta work in a couple hours.

any thoughts or feedback would be great. i cant do this alone and i dont WANT to be alone. all i want is her to stop HATING me with the passion she has inside of her right now. thats all i want from her @ this point in this MAJORLY fvcked up situation ive gotten myself into and partly to blame for it all.

im "signing off". peace.

...and if any1 has any curiousities to the origin of this, i do have that EasyJournal link if any1 is dedicated enuf to helping me out here.

http://SOLO7thGenEX.EasyJournal.com

bye.

 
Rep Power: 0

The whole time this has been happening, I've really felt like I had no place to speak. However, since you've put it out here on a forum, I can't help but comment on all of this.

Yes, love CAN be a bitch. However, from my standpoint I do not believe what you had was love. You can put your heart and soul into it Joey( and I truly believe you did), but if she doesn't feel the same it's not love. It was not right of her to let you think that. Love is not a 50/50 thing, 100% must be put in from both parties. Yes it sounds cliche but sadly it's true.

The very FACT that she had been shady with you, and finding out that she had possibly cheated on you should just enrage you. I didn't even have a relationship with her and it makes me sick to my stomach! Joey, have some dignity and KNOW that she is not worth any heartache. She seemed so capricious and the very fact that she has the gall to get mad at you, is pathetic. Don't EVER get back with her. Is a cheating liar the kind of person you deserve to be with? Joey, you've been such a great friend to Tara, and although I don't know you as much as she, I can tell you're a great person. Great person + pathetic cheater is not a good mix. Due to that revelation, you should be glad you are not with her. Yes, I know your emotions say otherwise but with time you'll realize.

And don't be reckless. Yes you're worked up but if you're in a state of distress...you shouldn't be driving. You'll do irrational and careless things and frankly I'm a bit disappointed. Just be glad that nothing bad happened...

So what's the deal with this debt? And also...your life sucks only if you make it suck. Everyone at some point has been really down in the dumps but only you can take yourself out and have a positive attitude. I know I've been through a lot...if you want to know just ask Tara. But I mean...if you dwell on the negative so much, you can only be negative. Hit me up on AIM if you want, we don't talk as much as we should.

 
Rep Power: 286

Joey, your post had me almost in tears. Though we've lost touch these last few months I hope deep down you've always known that I was here for you. We've gone through a lot, we used to always trade advices, had lots of fun times which patrick and I look forward to when I move up. It's not that you don't deserve Jen, it's that Jen doesn't deserve you. YOU didn't cheat, YOU didn't lie, YOU didn't do anything wrong. You were nothing but nice to her JOey, you know that. I know you've heard this so many times but why do backflips to just keep her happy. A relationship should be a mutual thing where both parties are giving in as much as they are recieving. You are a caring, loving person and without a doubt I know you gave in more than you were recieving.

Joey, god forbid if anything was to happen to you...it would end it all but did you think of how your parents would feel? or even relatives and friends. It's hard to get by right now but honestly life is hard. You go through so many things in life that make you want to give up but that's how you learn and you grow stronger. I understand that she was your first love but, if she is upset with you (I still do not see why), then you just gotta let her. You can't keep doing backflips to make her be friends with you. It's honestly not worth it. Give it time, if she wants to talk to you then fine let her apologize for the hurt and pain that she has caused you. You have no reason to apologize Joey, unless you want to apologize for being a sweet, innocent, caring guy who got taken advantage of. I really do care about you and it really makes me sick to my stomach when i sit here and read about how you think you are worthless.

I've had this talk with you before, you're almost done with your AA you have one last semester. You're doing something with your life, think about all the other kids you see doing drugs, drinking every night going no where. You took such a big step from taking a break from college and you went back. So many people who do that don't go back, but you were different joey.

Joey, let her get with that douchebag Tony. I really hope you dont think you deserve a girl who "cheated" on you, even had a guy over that spent the night while you guys were together, then got mad at you for expressing yourself in EJ? If she hates you then I hope that gives you an insight on what type of person she is. Think of all the wrong she has done and still she's the one "hating" you? Joey, I don't see how anyone can dislike you, only a heartless bitch who is only concerned with herself knowing that she's been breaking someone's heart and just breaking them down in general. There's really not much left to say, only 2 sayings that I always say...Karma is a bitch and what comes around goes around.

If you need any thing Joey, my cell phone and patrick's cell phone is always on. I'm hoping things will be back to normal, with the car meets, nose bleeds, parties, what you got under there? ..."Well i have some trees and chicken...", jellybeans, Ej books, driving on I-4, birthday bashes, wendy's ketchup cups, the 3am boys/girls bathroom talk, along with the tears that come with life. True friends are there no matter what, not just during the good times but during bad times. It's a life experience Joey, life is hard but that's what makes you a strong person and you're going to be alright.

 
Rep Power: 0

Seriously... Im not gonna say nothing to you dude.. You shouldnt of bailed out on us and we wouldnt of bailed out on you. Youre the one that put yourself in such a vulnarbal position... There are times when you should sit back and think about the actions you take. I tried helping you in the earlier stage but you just stabbed right back at me. Yeah i was a hard *** on you but you never let me finish. Thats all im gonna say.. sorry you lost you friendship with most of us.. Maybe you will think twice next time about the things you say and do.

Garcia

 
Rep Power: 305

I dont know of the specific situation, but love can be a bitch, you can do things you would have never done otherwise.

My gf and I broke up 2 months ago, it has been very hard, I love her very much but I know it would have never been, like he said love has to be 100% on both sides, and when its just not there, it will never be there.

I wish I could tell you something that would help you out, but I cant.

Dont do anything stupid.

 
Rep Power: 0

Deleted by request of person.

 
Rep Power: 0

ok joey, i don't know you but i do know what your going through. The only advise i can give you is that what you had was not love.. if you give anything more then the other person is, then it is not love. and you are right, you dont deserve a girl like Jen, you deserve BETTER. I know it may seem like the end of the world right now but trust me, you will make it through. i hope you feel better soon

 
Rep Power: 396

I knoweveryone has typed out long entries and stuff, so mabye you wont even read mine, but I gotta throw down also. While all of us that know each other her personally and may joke around and make fun of each other.. but we all (I think even Garcia) have a special place in our heart for each other, including you. Tara and I have spent many nights and days talking about you, and even I, the 7th gen dork has been through (recently) what your going through.... Joey, you've GOT to be strong. Tara and I seriosuly beleieve that you, a person that has made us laugh, cry, and have some great moments, are better than all this. Jen, while what you may have experienced was "love" (none of us can tell you otherwise, that is your own decision to make) was not, and never will be "the one." Joey we saw you go from a great person to sorta "outta the game." While with her.. that's just not someone that should be dealt with. Secondly, the mere thought that she may have cheated on you is bad. You should never have any THOUGHT that your significant other is cheating on you....


I'm sorry to hear this bro, and I went through all my friedns and asked your same question when it happeend to me, but it's time to pick up your baggage, dust off your coat, and get on the train. I HONESTLY feel that everyone here will lend their support.... Time heals all wounds, Joey, even the ones that have been cut very deep.

Brad

 
Rep Power: 306

U know what i got to say to ya bro, Im here for ya... and now u have a place to kick it if you need it. Im not going to say anything about "her" besides that you deserve better and ur better off with her feeling the way she feels about you right now anyway. You deserve the best! Now as of your friends... They will always be your friend, if they are giving up on you, then what kind of friends are they? All of us make mistakes, and LIFE happens, I hate to admit it but it does. All i can say, is continue to be their friends and its up to them to do the same thing back. and again a true friend will be there through thick and thin. Take it a day at a time man and I know you have tons of people to talk to, all you have to do is call, or show up. we're here for ya man and you better belive it. DAMMIT MAN!! im not a cop but ***** fukka im da man (for those who know what thats from) Joey ur stronger than you think you are, just breath, talk, and be open about what ur feeling and what u need ... Keep ur head up man, and i'll talk at ya laters,


NicK~

 
Rep Power: 293

you know, Chris, for the record, i wasnt the ONLY one to "bail" per se on the other party. and im not trying to offend you in any way but c'mon, you didnt go either. and apparently for BOTH of us, it turned out to be a consequence of something in the future. so please dont go pointing the finger ALL my way. thank you.

as for every1 else's comments, thank you. i appreciate you all. i was sitting here @ work reading them and the tears starting streaming lemme tell you what. kinda embarrassing if any1 saw, but no1 is practically here any more. God there is no work to be done. i almost wish this job WOULD end so i can find something else. lol.

but yah, i hear what all you guys are saying. all i ever wanted--once id realized how fizucked up things got--was to be respected as a person, thought of as a friend, not cursed to Hell and back twice, and not hated as much as she definitely does right now. thats all i ever asked from her. funny thing is; when she DID break it off in December, she always requested of me not to hate her and i granted that request without a second thought. i just dunno why she cant do the same....well, other than the fact that i might have already ruined her life in Gainesville. idk, that remains to be seen whether or not she's sensationalizing it a bit. either way, im SUUUURE this will turn more into a popularity thing than an embarrassment. we'll see. and im suuuure mister fvck-face Tony will "protect" her from the evil INTMO ****'s as they are so affectionately known as. douchebags!

anyways, i suppose i g2g back to work here...errr...find some that is. ill tty all later on i guess and thanks again for all the quick feedback. the length of some of these posts is very impressive indeed.

~Joey

p.s.- if any1 needs more of the "whole" story, im going to post my SN and password for www.intmo.com (then click on "forums") so you guys can logon if you wish and see how fizucked i was for posting what i did and talking to whom i talked to. ugh.

SN = iwannaEvoMR
password= EvolutionVIIIMR

the first thread is in "introductions" under my SN
the second thread is in "full of ****" and then under "the real jennifer polks" *cuz the douche that posted it put an S at the end of her name. dumbass.*

ALLLLLL i beg of you all is to NOT post EVER on the boards. PLEASE! the fvckin' ****'s hate me enuf already; not to mention Jen. btw, BOTH threads are locked...but still, DONT get the urge to post anything please. you WILL regret it believe me when i tell you this. this is for informative purposes only. also, dont forget to logout as soon as you are done browsing. if you get any PMs or messages of any kind, do not respond. thank you again. that is all.

p.s.- the password will only be good for a week from today. then it will be changed. just for security reasons. no hard feelings.

 
Rep Power: 396

Joey, don't cry at work, you might get tears on the papers and you'll get fired =*( lololol Cheer up, lets go out! =)

 
Rep Power: 293

yeah, maybe getting that downpipe/cat tonite from Derrick will cheer my sappy *** up even just a little bit. ugh.

 
Rep Power: 396

Yus!

 
Rep Power: 293

yah how's this for a "project" for $10/hr...my God.

i have a stack of paper to cut in 1/2 with a sh!tty old paper cutter. WOOOW...work is slooooow. heh this'll take all day. the uhh papercutter cuts a MAX of like 3 sheets once it breaks itself in. haha sucks for me.

 
Rep Power: 396

Hahaha, dont cut your hand off that would suck lol.. guess wut I oprdered my oem fogs yesterday =)

 
Rep Power: 286

....the paper cutter cuts max of 3 pages...what makes you think it'll cut joey's fingers or hand off? lol yus. Don't give ya self a nose bleed...actually do it and do it over your hand and say you must go home but still pay you

 
Rep Power: 293

sorry to hear....Ill drive down to gainsville with you and beat up the other guy...then steal his car....

 
Rep Power: 0

actually how about you get your story straight.. yes i was over there.. I was gonna bail out but I had a guilty concience(spelling Tara....) for not going.. dont even give me any ****... You know what and i dont really care that you never came.. I just shows how much of a friend you are.. for now late...

Garcia

 
Rep Power: 396

Cmon guys.... =*(

 
Rep Power: 0

Alright well that was a lot to read and i didnt exactly read it all...but i got some advise from my previous experience.

DONT NOT GO OUT OR MARRY ANY GOOD NAMED JEN, JENNIFER, JENNY or however they spell it. They are all bad news in this world

I have had 6 ex girlfirends named jen in my life and every last one of them was the same so i going to assume they are all pretty much the same.

But anyways I dont know you very well or well talked to you before but cheer up man...no girlfriend is worth crying over. And the car thing...its not that bad atleast you arent driviing an old geo metro or well a neon.

 
Rep Power: 0

Love is a rough thing. Me and my girl just broke up after 4 years and a child 2 weeks ago. She talked me into going out of town w/ both kids right before she broke up w/me. That was the hardest trip of my life. She has lied to me constantly since we broke up, and I dont trust a word she says. I was feeling just as low as you are (other than endangering others lives, think about yourself and others). I am now doing awesome, and realize she lost a lot. I am bout to make 1,000+ weekly as compared to my 250-300/week. What I realized to make me happyu and get over her though is this:

You can not control somebody elses life. No matter how much you want to, you can not do it.

I called up some old friends, and we partied. This is the easiest way to get over somebody, especially if you go out and talk to new girls. (Im getting new clothes, and staying so fresh and so clean for them)

Realize she doesnt deserve you. You loved/cared for her, but she didnt do the same. Find somebody that will treat you just as good as you treat them. You deserve somebody better than her. This is how my girl and I lasted 4 years.

She is still treating me like sh**, but I just dont care now. With how she treats me, I feel there is no way I would want to get back with somebody who can do that. Especially when we were together 4 year, she should have some respect as I do for her. Dont ever call her, that is a bad mistake. The more you call and want to know whats going on, the more you will push her away. Just start a different life now. I only had 1 friend when dating my ex. I had over 150 friends before I met her. Gave them all up for her (which was apparently my decision). I am just starting my life over now. A breakup is an awesome way to move forward in life. It means time for a change, and you can make it as positive or negative as youd like. It can destroy a person, or make them very strong. Anybody with a civic is a strong person, with all the crap we put up with from other people, hehe. Dont let it get you down, be strong

be strong
dont call her
dont let yourself get jealous (she cant do that to you, you let yourself get jealous)
You dont need her, you are better off
any relationship 24/7 wont work. You need balance in your life
-----friends, relationship, work, hobbies, and 2 others I forget, need to be evenly
-----balanced with your time
a bunch more too, just work on it, and youll be strong

 
Rep Power: 0

hey man i dont know u either but i just went trough almos the same thing that u did
now i have literally no friends no girlfriend and almost i had no car. this happened in the summer and now the only thing that changed really is that i got a new car but everything stills the same pretty much. ive dealt with it by just not thinkng about it sleeping cleaning my car. the only thing i can tell you since im almost in the same situation is to be open to your surroundings try to get new friends meet new people hang out at new places everything that doesnt remind you of your old friends/girlfriend. im ok now i hang out with whoever and just try to get trough the day plus im starting to go to college so im kinda exited about that.

 
Rep Power: 311

WEll ill get in on this after work if u want me to joey i know i have had it worse......(Heather)

 
Rep Power: 293

yeah, i feel ya Ryan. but ur newest GF (Sabrina) is soooo much better right? i think she's a sweet, great girl for you and dunno her THAT well even.

 
Rep Power: 0

you need to find yourself a new gf as well. I am on the hunt right now, or at least for pu$$y.

 
Rep Power: 396

^^WOW... ooookkkk

 
Rep Power: 396

You know whats funny, your title says you need "phyical help" :OLOLOL thats actually pretty funny TARD... =*(

 
Rep Power: 293

OMG, any1 else need help in the same subject matter as me, im SOOO referring you to this guy Rick on the site (rickinthsvc). he is/was a psychiatrist and is 27 years old. he is hitting the nail right on the head concerning my issues in life and other things in general as well. ill post a couple of our PM conversations since i already asked his permission firsthand. he's good! i guess i DONT have to feel "crazy" or embarrassed to ask for a more professional type of help. hmmm...

 
Rep Power: 396

Hmmmm, coulda used that about 6 months ago lol

 
Rep Power: 293

FIRST PM SENT TO ME:
\/

What is inside your head?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello,

I read your posts and some of the journal. With my psychology degree and my years of life under my belt, I have a few things to say. You may not believe everything, though in time you will understand.

I do believe that you were in love with Jen. If nothing else, you had very strong feelings for her, there are emotional ties that will last forever. For good or bad, you will remember her forever. They say that you always remember your first, and that is mostly true. But generally people either remember it with fondness or attempt to block it out and move on.

You can probably hope that at least you had sex for the first time with someone that you had feelings for. Past that, the memory will not be easy to have, nor will it ease very soon.

What I can tell you is that it sounds like Jen has a lot of problems of her own. It is not fair to say not to call her, but she might call you later, that is just her keeping you hanging on.

From what I read, the relationship is over. There is a lot of mistrust and anger and that will probably never go away.

What you need to focus on right now is you. Only you can truly take care of yourself, so the sooner you start doing this, the sooner you will heal.

1. Quit blaming yourself for losing control of your emotions and yelling at your friends. If they are your true friends, they will get over it. Let things die down and call them later. Another guy will always understand that women can drive you crazy.

2. Know that it is over. And you will feel better in a few days. But she can call in a week and drive you crazy all over again. Therefore you need some closure. Now realize it is not something you say to her, it is something you do for yourself. You need to close this for you.

I would say change your screen name. Change your phone number, hell change your hair cut. But if you are not waiting around for a call, you will start to get over it.

3. Quit wasting time hating someone else. Hate requires energy. I don't say that you should forgive her, but you should accept that she is the way she is, and that is that.

Unfortunately, learning to love requires that you must also learn to live with the pain.

If you need someone impartial and out of the loop, let me know. But take care and try to let go of the fatalistic attitude.

Rick
__________________
2001 Civic EX Coupe

Satin Silver

Eibach Sportlines

RH Evolution C2

Kumho 205/40HR-17

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MY FIRST REPLY:
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thanks Rick. idk who you are but i believe that you sound very wise in what you speak of. i appreciate your uplifting words of wisdom and i cant say that any of what you've told me is false.

just wondering if you think it would be alright to paste the PM you sent me in my thread? if so, cool cuz i want others to see your knowledge. if not, thats cool too...i understand if you would prefer to remain nameless.

thanks anyways tho. that really kinda lifted my spirits. you are the only one thus far that think i WAS in love. its true what they say about "first love." that trash is maaad hope to cope with when its all over. i really do wonder tho; will >I< ever break up with some1 in my life or am i just too "soft." kinda odd statement i know...just curious i suppose.

~Joey
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HIS SECOND PM TO ME:
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I appreciate your asking first, and I have no problem with you sharing anything I typed. I was only pming you to keep your feelings private.

I just think you are beating yourself up too hard. The only problem with you is that you are too nice of a guy. What you need to evolve into is a man. Someone who has feelings but is strong as well. When you reach that point, then you will have no problem getting women to love you back.

I personally have had 3 major relationships over my life and I have learned from all of them. You will too.

Right now it is not about what you can do for her or about her. It is about what you can do for You!

Stay tough!
__________________
2001 Civic EX Coupe

Satin Silver

Eibach Sportlines

RH Evolution C2

Kumho 205/40HR-17
================================================== =

MY SECOND REPLY
\/

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

yeah, i am definitely too nice a person. i guess ive just had a lot of "tough macho guy" friends in my life and never really liked that or thought it was for me. emotions can most definitely be a double-edged sword. that i have learned over my 2 relationships in my life. you know, i sometimes wonder why the heck i have an online journal. it seems thats my outlet and for whatever reason, i DONT want it private. i still have yet to figure that one out. idk man. i mean its weird, i LOVE to write in my journal--when ive got the time...which definitely wasnt when i was with Jen--but by that same token, when it comes to "real" writing--like in school--i absolutely, without a doubt in my mind, HATE to do it and i have a hard time with it. any insight on that by any chance. gosh, i feel like i should be paying you. sorry...lol
================================================

HIS THIRD PM TO ME:
\/

As far as the problem or dislike with writing for school, that is fairly common. It boils down to your basic attitude towards school. Do you look at it as something that is enriching your life and making your growth possible? Or do you look at it as something you just have to do?

The issue is that you have not lived far enough to appreciate the lessons that life is teaching you along the way. Eventually, you will have to enter the world and make your own way. I am not saying that you do not pay for you own things, or even your own school, but why are you at school?

When you get out and work a few years, you will realize that some classes taught you how to think, some taught you how to do, and some just make you a better person. Looking back, school was for me, by me.

Any job you have that will pay you money, you will have to have certain skills. Your vocabulary will have to be up to par. Your typing skills will have to be as well. I remember a typing class that I took just because I had to. But after learning how to type both well and fast, things in other areas were much easier. Reports were simpler, looked better. And in the corporate world, you must be literate and type well.

That speech class I was afraid of, well I decided that any class I took was to have my full attention. I aced that class, and in every presentation I have to do at work, I am never really worried. I remember all the points my teacher taught me, and things go along well.

The point is that your learning makes you a better person. Educated people are just all around smarter. So if you have the attitude that you are in school to make yourself better, then put that amount of effort into it.

As for the blog or journel entries. Perhaps you just feel that no one really listens to you or you want more attention. Not a real problem in that, but the lack of attention you recieve is based on the fact that you do not have boundries established in your life. If you listed all the things that are just not acceptable, how many do you forego when a pretty face attempts to slight you?

In reality, the first time Jen did something wrong, you should have said, no way. You should have walked then. Maybe you would have lost her, but if you bought a dog, and he bit you on the hand, how long would you keep it? Jen did not turn into this person over night. She did a thing wrong and you let it go. You even probably tried harder. You made excuses for her. I even read some of it in your entries. You made excuses for her, you apologized for her crappy actions, you even placed blame on yourself for the relationship falling apart.

That is what it means to be a man. Having limits and not letting some woman cross them. You have your standards, a pretty face is not a license to screw you over. And don't put a woman up on a pedastel, they are just women. They have to earn the right to be in your life. Would you let a friend constantly screw you over and still be his friend?

Honestly, I know you care about this chick, but she is gone. She is moving away, so her decision is all but etched in stone. Let her go, let her leave. But you make the decision to remove her from your life, because she is not working to be in yours.
__________________
2001 Civic EX Coupe

Satin Silver

Eibach Sportlines

RH Evolution C2

Kumho 205/40HR-17


pretty good stuff eh? if you are reading this, Rick, i really do appreciate ppl in this world like yourself. once i figure out this "rep" points BS, ill be sending some your way for SURE! every time i read another one of his PMs, my spirits are lifted just a lil bit higher each time.