NEWSFLASH! Terror on the roads!
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NEWSFLASH! Terror on the roads!
Blue “wraith” terrorizes locals
By Ephran Silverstein III
A bright blue ‘car’ has been making grown men cry, and wannabes run for cover the past few months. No one knows who it is, or where it’s from. But the locals, from Streetsboro Ohio, to North Ridgeville Ohio, a 45 miles stretch of toll and freeways, are up in arms over the embarrassments that they have been handed.
“It jUst BleW paSt me And alMosT kNockEd my CoffeE caN eXhauSt ofF tHe BaCk of My NeoN!” said one yo…errr…local. His name being withheld, for reasons other than the fact he doesn’t know what it is. A longer interview provided more info on this ‘attack’. It seems “neon man” was coming home from a long night of debauchery and drinking. He was on interstate 480, near Parma Ohio…home of flamingos and white socks. His brand used Dodge Neon (“HI”) has been “modded” to the hilt.
“I Dun puT alL sOrtS oF sFuFf oN tHiS caR foR SpeEd!” He boasted. Instead of try and retype what he said, I’ll just paraphrase what Mr. Neon has for ‘speed’ parts: Intake, racing stripes (he says they are good for 25 hp), Monheavy racing wheels; 18” and chromed, coffee can exhaust tip (14 hp), quote “cool gauges”, good for another 8 hp. And a smattering of logos and ‘sponsor’ graphics that he doesn’t even have parts for.
Mr. neon was so dismayed at what took place that evening: “I…..” never mind, I’ll paraphrase again. It seems a car of unknown origin or manufacturer, bright blue in color, slung low to the ground, sporting some mean clean wheels, came up fast behind him. He tried to outrun the blue nightmare, but was almost forced off the road before the ‘death machine’ blurred past him. I’m not sure, but alcohol may have been a factor in his near ‘off road’ experience, and not the “blue deathmobile” his words, not mine!
The neon man was so upset, he went home to change his pants, and told his dad. It seems there have been other sightings reported that no ones knows of! Everyone from soccer mom’s to neckcar fans have been cursing the blue wraith. “It blew past me like I was standing still” said an owner of a Monte Carlo SS. “It made me get out of the passing lane” wheezed Mildred, owner of a pristine 72 Nova with about 2k miles on it.
Police have been tight lipped about the ‘menace’. “No comment” said the Brookpark police chief. Could this be a ‘legal’ vigilante? Helping bring justice to the injustice done to the cars on American roads? Stickers, “sponsors”, just pure mayhem…can this lone blue avenger be helping us without us even knowing?
I tried to contact him, tried to find someone that knows of his whereabouts. No luck. “he’s gone before we can even get a good look at what kind of car it is” said a local ‘victim’. “All I head was a buzzing sound as he whizzed past” said another.
Until we can find a way to stop this menace? Vigilante? Will the roads ever be safe? Know one knows….and most don’t care. Except the poor bastards that are constantly reminded that sometimes, even something unseen, like a blue wraith, can make the most potent car seem utterly impotent.
By Ephran Silverstein III
A bright blue ‘car’ has been making grown men cry, and wannabes run for cover the past few months. No one knows who it is, or where it’s from. But the locals, from Streetsboro Ohio, to North Ridgeville Ohio, a 45 miles stretch of toll and freeways, are up in arms over the embarrassments that they have been handed.
“It jUst BleW paSt me And alMosT kNockEd my CoffeE caN eXhauSt ofF tHe BaCk of My NeoN!” said one yo…errr…local. His name being withheld, for reasons other than the fact he doesn’t know what it is. A longer interview provided more info on this ‘attack’. It seems “neon man” was coming home from a long night of debauchery and drinking. He was on interstate 480, near Parma Ohio…home of flamingos and white socks. His brand used Dodge Neon (“HI”) has been “modded” to the hilt.
“I Dun puT alL sOrtS oF sFuFf oN tHiS caR foR SpeEd!” He boasted. Instead of try and retype what he said, I’ll just paraphrase what Mr. Neon has for ‘speed’ parts: Intake, racing stripes (he says they are good for 25 hp), Monheavy racing wheels; 18” and chromed, coffee can exhaust tip (14 hp), quote “cool gauges”, good for another 8 hp. And a smattering of logos and ‘sponsor’ graphics that he doesn’t even have parts for.
Mr. neon was so dismayed at what took place that evening: “I…..” never mind, I’ll paraphrase again. It seems a car of unknown origin or manufacturer, bright blue in color, slung low to the ground, sporting some mean clean wheels, came up fast behind him. He tried to outrun the blue nightmare, but was almost forced off the road before the ‘death machine’ blurred past him. I’m not sure, but alcohol may have been a factor in his near ‘off road’ experience, and not the “blue deathmobile” his words, not mine!
The neon man was so upset, he went home to change his pants, and told his dad. It seems there have been other sightings reported that no ones knows of! Everyone from soccer mom’s to neckcar fans have been cursing the blue wraith. “It blew past me like I was standing still” said an owner of a Monte Carlo SS. “It made me get out of the passing lane” wheezed Mildred, owner of a pristine 72 Nova with about 2k miles on it.
Police have been tight lipped about the ‘menace’. “No comment” said the Brookpark police chief. Could this be a ‘legal’ vigilante? Helping bring justice to the injustice done to the cars on American roads? Stickers, “sponsors”, just pure mayhem…can this lone blue avenger be helping us without us even knowing?
I tried to contact him, tried to find someone that knows of his whereabouts. No luck. “he’s gone before we can even get a good look at what kind of car it is” said a local ‘victim’. “All I head was a buzzing sound as he whizzed past” said another.
Until we can find a way to stop this menace? Vigilante? Will the roads ever be safe? Know one knows….and most don’t care. Except the poor bastards that are constantly reminded that sometimes, even something unseen, like a blue wraith, can make the most potent car seem utterly impotent.
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