When Men Don't Listen
Thread Starter
My Spidersense's Tingling
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,050
Likes: 0
From: GTA, Ontario, Canada
Rep Power: 0 
Just to get away from the current topic a little bit...another joke..
Prostate Exam
Witty comments that can be used during prostate exams (that is, if you can actually be witty while someone's hand is up your rear):
1. "Take it easy, Doc -- you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me now?"
4. "Oh boy! That was sphincteriffic!"
5. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"
6. "You know, in some states, we're now legally married."
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
13. "Deflector shields: Down!"
Prostate Exam
Witty comments that can be used during prostate exams (that is, if you can actually be witty while someone's hand is up your rear):
1. "Take it easy, Doc -- you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me now?"
4. "Oh boy! That was sphincteriffic!"
5. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"
6. "You know, in some states, we're now legally married."
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
13. "Deflector shields: Down!"
ok Boo, so this is what i have learnt about u so far
1. u r 5'5 with an inadequent manly hood
2. u r in some IT program
3. for some reason u run like a hoarse
4. u do nothing but post on this site all day
5. u r a cowboy
6. u wish u were black
i am so excited to meet u
hahahahahaha
just joking man
u da man
1. u r 5'5 with an inadequent manly hood
2. u r in some IT program
3. for some reason u run like a hoarse
4. u do nothing but post on this site all day
5. u r a cowboy
6. u wish u were black
i am so excited to meet u
hahahahahaha
just joking man
u da man
Registered!!
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 758
Likes: 0
From: Toronto
Rep Power: 0 roflmao
Originally posted by player
ok Boo, so this is what i have learnt about u so far
1. u r 5'5 with an inadequent manly hood
2. u r in some IT program
3. for some reason u run like a hoarse
4. u do nothing but post on this site all day
5. u r a cowboy
6. u wish u were black
i am so excited to meet u
hahahahahaha
just joking man
u da man
ok Boo, so this is what i have learnt about u so far
1. u r 5'5 with an inadequent manly hood
2. u r in some IT program
3. for some reason u run like a hoarse
4. u do nothing but post on this site all day
5. u r a cowboy
6. u wish u were black
i am so excited to meet u
hahahahahaha
just joking man
u da man
Thread Starter
My Spidersense's Tingling
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,050
Likes: 0
From: GTA, Ontario, Canada
Rep Power: 0 Originally posted by player
ok Boo, so this is what i have learnt about u so far
1. u r 5'5 with an inadequent manly hood
2. u r in some IT program
3. for some reason u run like a hoarse
4. u do nothing but post on this site all day
5. u r a cowboy
6. u wish u were black
i am so excited to meet u
hahahahahaha
just joking man
u da man
ok Boo, so this is what i have learnt about u so far
1. u r 5'5 with an inadequent manly hood
2. u r in some IT program
3. for some reason u run like a hoarse
4. u do nothing but post on this site all day
5. u r a cowboy
6. u wish u were black
i am so excited to meet u
hahahahahaha
just joking man
u da man
hahahahahhahahaha OMG!!
Thread Starter
My Spidersense's Tingling
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,050
Likes: 0
From: GTA, Ontario, Canada
Rep Power: 0 OK since this thread started off to be a "joke of the day thread"...so..here we go with the Joke of the day for Monday!
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Three Wishes
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "if you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog.
The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."
So, kazam! -- she became the most beautiful woman in the world.
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, kazam! -- she became the richest woman in the world.
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever, don't mess with them.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three Wishes
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "if you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog.
The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."
So, kazam! -- she became the most beautiful woman in the world.
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, kazam! -- she became the richest woman in the world.
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever, don't mess with them.
i want a baby hummer :)
iTrader: (1)
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,588
Likes: 0
From: Richmond Hill, Ontario, Canada
Rep Power: 0 joke of the day:
******************************************
From someone who hates their computer....
GATES vs. General Motors
-------------------------
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way
computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo
(COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto
industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer
industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the
gallon".
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a
new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would
have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off
the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For
some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five
times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent
of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning
light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned
the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to
drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same
manner as the old car.
10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
******************************************
From someone who hates their computer....
GATES vs. General Motors
-------------------------
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way
computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo
(COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto
industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer
industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the
gallon".
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a
new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would
have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off
the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For
some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five
times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent
of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning
light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned
the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to
drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same
manner as the old car.
10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
Thread Starter
My Spidersense's Tingling
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,050
Likes: 0
From: GTA, Ontario, Canada
Rep Power: 0 OMG guys..check this one out, this got to be the best joke ever! LOL....this was taken from OT
--------------------------------
How to give a Handjob!!
A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally
she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant, buys her
a fancy dinner with expensive wine and on the way home he pulls over to
the side of the road in a secluded spot.
They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach
under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay
that way.
"Well, OK," he says, "how a bout a blow job?"
"EEEEyyyyyyeeeewwwwwww!" she screams. "I'm not putting that thing in my
mouth!"
He says, "Well then, how about a hand job?"
"I've never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?"
"Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up
a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?"
She nods.
"Well, it's just like that."
So he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it.
A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close,
snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ears and he
screams out in pain.
"What's wrong?!" she cries out.
"TAKE YOUR THUMB OFF OF THE END!
--------------------------------
How to give a Handjob!!
A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally
she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant, buys her
a fancy dinner with expensive wine and on the way home he pulls over to
the side of the road in a secluded spot.
They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach
under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay
that way.
"Well, OK," he says, "how a bout a blow job?"
"EEEEyyyyyyeeeewwwwwww!" she screams. "I'm not putting that thing in my
mouth!"
He says, "Well then, how about a hand job?"
"I've never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?"
"Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up
a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?"
She nods.
"Well, it's just like that."
So he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it.
A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close,
snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ears and he
screams out in pain.
"What's wrong?!" she cries out.
"TAKE YOUR THUMB OFF OF THE END!
