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*** i got this from some website .. i forgot ***

A Woman's Dictionary
1. "Fine"

This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)

2. "Five minutes"

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing"

Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)

This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)

This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh"

This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing!."

7. "Soft Sigh"

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8. "Oh"

This word-followed by any statement - is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. ("Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifie! s that you are caught in a
lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised
eyebrow.

9. That's "Okay"

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big
trouble.

10. "Please Do"

This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

11. "Thanks"

The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."

12. "Thanks A Lot"

"Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." What women really mean when they say "Thanks A Lot" is that they are really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."


... haha seriously now
--------------------------------------------------------- quote


Love is not about "it's your fault", but "I'm sorry", not "where are
you' but "I'm right here", not "how could you" but "I understand", not "I
wish you were", but "I'm thankful you are."


....

GOTSPRINGROLLS

alright gang.....this is a good one so prepare to laugh ur a$$ off.......
i got it in the mail

If you have children you will
probably relate to this father...

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of
ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive,
light brown, gourmet mustard.

The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried
it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both
hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my
side. "Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my
sandwich," she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder
and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I
noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

I love mustard.

I had no napkin.

I licked it off.

It was not mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and
only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding.
With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine
shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.

Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard)
my wife said, "Now you know why they call that
mustard "Poupon.'"



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