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Got an email this morning from a co-worker, pretty funny, so I thought to share it with you guys and gals...

A Polish lad married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or
so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well
until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could
arrange a divorce for him - "very quick." The lawyer said that the speed of
getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the
following questions:

LAWYER: Have you any grounds?
POLE: Ja, Ja, an acre and half.
LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?
POLE: No, I'm always up before her.
LAWYER: Is your wife a nagger?
POLE: No, she white.
LAWYER: Why do you want this divorce?
POLE: She going to kill me.
LAWYER: What makes you think that?
POLE: I got proof.
LAWYER: What kind of proof?
POLE: She bought a bottle at the drug store, and put on shelf in bathroom.
I can read - it said "Polish Remover."

Feel free to contribute some funnies of your own... so tired at work, I need a little laugh. [IMG]i/expressions/laugh2.gif[/IMG][IMG]i/expressions/laugh2.gif[/IMG]

 
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Riiiiight. That was bad, kinda like 'em "fork on the table" ones.

 
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bahahahahhaa polish remover[IMG]i/expressions/laugh2.gif[/IMG]

 
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I found the word to describe this joke: Cheezy! [IMG]i/expressions/laugh2.gif[/IMG]

 
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i would say this joke is way too clean...

 
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AHHAHAHAHA I GET IT!!!

 
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haha, yeah, too tame but it had heart!

 
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[IMG]i/expressions/laugh2.gif[/IMG][IMG]i/expressions/laugh2.gif[/IMG][IMG]i/expressions/laugh2.gif[/IMG][IMG]i/expressions/laugh2.gif[/IMG][IMG]i/expressions/laugh2.gif[/IMG][IMG]i/expressions/laugh2.gif[/IMG][IMG]i/expressions/laugh2.gif[/IMG]
good one ..hahahaha

 
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Got this email this morn.... I don't find it THAT funny.... Anyone still have that email thread of that Korean guy?! (read the nationalpost link)

--------

Read the two emails starting from the bottom…the girl was suppose to hit forward but instead she hit reply J

You should also read this article that was in the national post regarding these emails:

http://www.nationalpost.ca/commentary/story.html?id=826875FC-D1A2-4562-AAC7-E92029417ADC

> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: mary.b.callahan@us.pwcglobal.com
> > [mailto:mary.b.callahan@us.pwcglobal.com]
> > Sent: Thursday, September 05, 2002 10:48 AM
> > To: Tripp Murray
> > Subject: All time low
> >
> >
> > Ok first -- here is the e-mail I received from Tripp, the new guy I
> > met last week. If you want to go out, perhaps we can get him to pay
> > for drinks at the Park. Since we have not slept together, he will of
> > course be trying to impress me and will, therefore, do anything I ask.
> > Unlike
> > John, who fell asleep during sex last night. I went over to his place
> > last
> > night around 11:30. We started having sex. When I noticed his eyes
> > were closed for a little too long, I said "John wake up." At which,
> > point he shot up saying "what'd I miss." Yes, I think that is a new
> low.
> >
> > Let me know about tonight. I think you need company.
> >
> >
> > ------Original Message-----
> > From: Tripp Murray
> > To: Mary B Callahan/US/ABAS/PwC@Americas-US.com
> > cc:
> > 09/05/2002 10:01
> > Subject:
> >
> >
> > So are you off to the Bon Jovi show tonight in Times Square? Sounds
> > like it is going to some turnout. What division of audit are you in
> > for PWC? Are you heading out tonight? A friend of mine is leaving for
> > MBA School in France so, he is throwing himself a going away party at
> > Park, ever been? What are the plans for this weekend, recovery from
> > the long weekend or adding just a little more hurt to the situation?
> >
> > TTFN,
> >
> > Tripp Murray
> > Associate
> > TM Capital Corp

 
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Ok, you guys want funnies? Here goes::

;The Man Code
;1. Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat"
;2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
and Bar-B-Q'ed by his fellow partygoers.

4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father,
priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and
should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his
whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.

6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without
recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call
BULLSH|T, if talking to a hot girl,exaggeration rate can rise to 400
percent)

7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits
forever.

8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
running late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10
minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

9. B|tching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is
forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and
slightly gay.

11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying
to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your
good deed and end up having Sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to
speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and
he, in return is required to grant it.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a
buffalo wing clean.

14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see
nothin'.

15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

17. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30
minutes
of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pal's
significant d|ck-heads --- low-level sports bonding is all the
law requires.
18. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may
<DIV></DIV>> > >always ask the score of the game in progress, but
you may never ask
who's playing.

19. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney
friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be
able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining
the priesthood.

20. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...

and it's free.

21. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

22. I guy out for the night with a gorgeous blond must remain sober enough
to
fight.

23. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must
jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have

caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ***-whoopin", then you
may sit back and enjoy.

24. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:

"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers."
" Nice ***, are you a Sagittarius?"

25. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
but
not both. That's just plain mean.

26. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his
beer.

27. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when
she's withholding sex pending your response.

28. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing:
either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a
nod
is all the conversation you need.

29. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not
join him...too gay.

30. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt
one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and

deliver a "F CK OFF!" You are absolved of your
responsibility.

31. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just friends" have
carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is

no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big
mistake it was.

 
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My Manager sent me this, took me a while to figure it was not for real: [IMG]i/expressions/laugh2.gif[/IMG]


Please note the following new rules as they apply to all existing Employee Contracts. Please note that Item 3 PERSONAL DAYS can be revoked at our discretion at any time. If you have any comments in this regard, kindly contact HP Tech Support as they will be happy to put you on hold until you get over it.


SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:

All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 1 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done
enough.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may
swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK:

Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. .

DRESS CODE:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Nike sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.

-- Management

 
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LOL... if it were true... good thing I don't work for that company... [IMG]i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif[/IMG]