rumors, lies, half-truths, and the morons who perpetuate them
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rumors, lies, half-truths, and the morons who perpetuate them
disclaimer: if you are easily offended or one of those politically correct activists, then don't even bother reading any further, cuz i won't have the patience to deal with you, and banning you would just be a waste of server resources.
Last night I stopped by our local auto zone to see if they have any havoline in stock for my next oil change. I drive up, and the ugliest f'ing tiburon is sitting in the lot. Next to that, is an even uglier neon. Both are "modified" if you can call it that. But to be honest, both cars look more like they have been touched by "queer eye for the straight guy". And I don't mean just touched; the queer eye guys had a gay parade and used the tiburon and the neon for parade floats on their way to pride fest. It's almost as bad as the 7th gen SEDAN I saw with 1 lambo door..... I will get to the "mods" on the cars later....
My better half says I should just turn around now and not even go inside, but since when do I listen to my better half. I walk in and start looking down the oil aisle for the Havoline. I see two guys on the other end looking at some synthetic mobil 1. I do a double take, and notice something odd about the one. He has a white T-shirt on, and on the back is a big picture of Ashlee Simpson. And underneath it says "Ashlee is a Hotiee". I can only imagine this is homemade, as no T-shirt company in the world would make any T-shirt involving Ashlee Simpson unless it was a picture of her with her big mouth open saying "insert body part here". I hate that b*tch, but that's a whole different thread. (seriously, that chick is no good for anything except being a receptacle for whatever current guy(s) who is(are) using her like the sl*t she is)
Whoops, got off track. So, yeah. 2 dudes, one with an ashlee shirt. We're there so far. It's a few moments later a store employee walks up to the one not wearing the ashlee shirt and hands him a neon shift ****. One of those cheapo shift ***** that plugs into your cigarette lighter. I wonder how much use this shift **** will see, as I'm almost certain this guy's cigarette lighter is usually in use for whatever plug-in ***** he's using to shove up his ***.
The guy is all excited, and then asks the employee the following question. "Will this work in a SRT4?" Once again, I do a double take, followed by a laugh which I think was louder than I expected or realized. The employee tells him it's universal and comes with adapters to fit any car. The guy then makes some comment about how once he gets his SRT4, he can take this **** (both of them. for those who are too slow to get this joke I'm not going to explain it) and transplant it from his neon into his SRT4. At this moment there are 2 facts I realize that I am not surprised to learn. The flaming neon outside is his, and he's planning on trading in that monstrosity for an SRT4 neon. Probably so he can gay that one up too. (not that it needs much help
)
It's around this time that I'm getting closer to their position as I'm scanning the oils (almost forgot what I came to get at this point) when I hear something mentioned about an S2000. Apparently neon-boy was looking at getting an S2000, however, his daddy told him they discontinued the S2000 so it wasn't going to be worth anything so he wasn't going to get him one. They then make their selection of mobil 1 and the Ashlee-tshirt friend/lover mentions they should get the 20w50 because it is a better oil than the 5w20 or whatever they were looking at.
At this point, it's all I can do to keep myself from saying anything, when finally I hear the icing on the cake. "the 20w50 will add 30 more horsepower. that's what the number means" If there was ever a case for sterilizing morons, idiots, and people who are no more intelligent than the dog **** I scrape off the bottom of my shoe, these 2 are it. There is no f*cking way people can be this dumb. I'm surprised the guy can even do basic math to figure out that the difference between 20 and 50 is 30.
So at this point I casually mention "those numbers are the viscosity of the oil. they don't mean the amount of horsepower you get". the one guy then tries to tell me how that's not what he's heard. I told him he could ask the employee here if he didn't believe me. however, they claimed their "source" was one of the best mechanics in the country. At this point I ask if this same "mechanic" is his daddy who told him that they discontinued the S2000. He tells me that it's not, and that his daddy is a honda salesman and he should know.
Now I'm really trying to hold back the laughing, and I tell him that not only did they NOT discontinue the S2000, but they created a new color for the 2006 model year. However, as before, his daddy knows better, and you can't tell him any different. My guess is that his dad is a smart man who realizes his dumb *** kid would kill himself in an S2000, so he came up with a lie as to why he couldn't get one. On second thought.... if his dad was a smart man, he WOULD get his dumb *** kid an S2000. It would be worth the sacrifice.... (again, if you don't get that, just click the X at the top right corner of the screen)
At this point, any attempt in logical debate with this tool would be utterly futile. I'd have better luck explaining quantam physics to a drunk chimp using popsicle sticks and a butter churn. I tell the kid that I guess he'll just have to find out the hard way, and I continue my search. They kind of give me a look, and then walk up to the front to buy their crap.
After unsuccessfully securing any havoline, I walk out the store, and both queer-mobiles are up and running with both of the fudgepacking butt-pirates waiting inside them. The neon guy is gleefully installing his new shift ****, and the tiburon guy is revving his engine. Now to the mods. The tiburon has a dual-quad exhaust (quad tips), enormous double decker aluminum spoiler (this is apparently becoming popular in wisconsin....), neon lights underneath the car, big gay flaming stripe decals down the sides of the car, washer LED nozzles, and wal mart spinners. Oh, and don't forget the pep boys double chrome windshield wipers.
The neon (which is purple by the way) has two racing stripes across the top of the car, a big APC sticker across the front, altezza tail lights on the back, neon lights, led nozzles, and window tint. (i wouldn't want to be a guy seen driving that thing either) Last but not least, my favorite mod. He has a f*cking decal that goes around the wheel well that makes it look like the wheel is "smoking" from spinning so much. The best part? It's on the rear wheel wells. I could drink an entire can of paint thinner and kill off any decent brain cells I had, and I still could not come up with something that f*cking stupid to put on a car. If there was ever a time I had wished I'd had a camera it was that moment. If my cell phone camera wasn't a piece of crap that gets nothing but black screen when it's dark out, i'd have a picture.
I have now finished my story. And I have no words that can even summarize the experience. There is no emoticon in the world that could describe the feeling. I left the parts store, the guy revving his tiburon to show off, and the other guy in the neon trying to figure out where he'll plug in his ***** and his shift ****.
I need a bottle of tylenol.
Last night I stopped by our local auto zone to see if they have any havoline in stock for my next oil change. I drive up, and the ugliest f'ing tiburon is sitting in the lot. Next to that, is an even uglier neon. Both are "modified" if you can call it that. But to be honest, both cars look more like they have been touched by "queer eye for the straight guy". And I don't mean just touched; the queer eye guys had a gay parade and used the tiburon and the neon for parade floats on their way to pride fest. It's almost as bad as the 7th gen SEDAN I saw with 1 lambo door..... I will get to the "mods" on the cars later....
My better half says I should just turn around now and not even go inside, but since when do I listen to my better half. I walk in and start looking down the oil aisle for the Havoline. I see two guys on the other end looking at some synthetic mobil 1. I do a double take, and notice something odd about the one. He has a white T-shirt on, and on the back is a big picture of Ashlee Simpson. And underneath it says "Ashlee is a Hotiee". I can only imagine this is homemade, as no T-shirt company in the world would make any T-shirt involving Ashlee Simpson unless it was a picture of her with her big mouth open saying "insert body part here". I hate that b*tch, but that's a whole different thread. (seriously, that chick is no good for anything except being a receptacle for whatever current guy(s) who is(are) using her like the sl*t she is)
Whoops, got off track. So, yeah. 2 dudes, one with an ashlee shirt. We're there so far. It's a few moments later a store employee walks up to the one not wearing the ashlee shirt and hands him a neon shift ****. One of those cheapo shift ***** that plugs into your cigarette lighter. I wonder how much use this shift **** will see, as I'm almost certain this guy's cigarette lighter is usually in use for whatever plug-in ***** he's using to shove up his ***.
The guy is all excited, and then asks the employee the following question. "Will this work in a SRT4?" Once again, I do a double take, followed by a laugh which I think was louder than I expected or realized. The employee tells him it's universal and comes with adapters to fit any car. The guy then makes some comment about how once he gets his SRT4, he can take this **** (both of them. for those who are too slow to get this joke I'm not going to explain it) and transplant it from his neon into his SRT4. At this moment there are 2 facts I realize that I am not surprised to learn. The flaming neon outside is his, and he's planning on trading in that monstrosity for an SRT4 neon. Probably so he can gay that one up too. (not that it needs much help
)It's around this time that I'm getting closer to their position as I'm scanning the oils (almost forgot what I came to get at this point) when I hear something mentioned about an S2000. Apparently neon-boy was looking at getting an S2000, however, his daddy told him they discontinued the S2000 so it wasn't going to be worth anything so he wasn't going to get him one. They then make their selection of mobil 1 and the Ashlee-tshirt friend/lover mentions they should get the 20w50 because it is a better oil than the 5w20 or whatever they were looking at.
At this point, it's all I can do to keep myself from saying anything, when finally I hear the icing on the cake. "the 20w50 will add 30 more horsepower. that's what the number means" If there was ever a case for sterilizing morons, idiots, and people who are no more intelligent than the dog **** I scrape off the bottom of my shoe, these 2 are it. There is no f*cking way people can be this dumb. I'm surprised the guy can even do basic math to figure out that the difference between 20 and 50 is 30.
So at this point I casually mention "those numbers are the viscosity of the oil. they don't mean the amount of horsepower you get". the one guy then tries to tell me how that's not what he's heard. I told him he could ask the employee here if he didn't believe me. however, they claimed their "source" was one of the best mechanics in the country. At this point I ask if this same "mechanic" is his daddy who told him that they discontinued the S2000. He tells me that it's not, and that his daddy is a honda salesman and he should know.
Now I'm really trying to hold back the laughing, and I tell him that not only did they NOT discontinue the S2000, but they created a new color for the 2006 model year. However, as before, his daddy knows better, and you can't tell him any different. My guess is that his dad is a smart man who realizes his dumb *** kid would kill himself in an S2000, so he came up with a lie as to why he couldn't get one. On second thought.... if his dad was a smart man, he WOULD get his dumb *** kid an S2000. It would be worth the sacrifice.... (again, if you don't get that, just click the X at the top right corner of the screen)
At this point, any attempt in logical debate with this tool would be utterly futile. I'd have better luck explaining quantam physics to a drunk chimp using popsicle sticks and a butter churn. I tell the kid that I guess he'll just have to find out the hard way, and I continue my search. They kind of give me a look, and then walk up to the front to buy their crap.
After unsuccessfully securing any havoline, I walk out the store, and both queer-mobiles are up and running with both of the fudgepacking butt-pirates waiting inside them. The neon guy is gleefully installing his new shift ****, and the tiburon guy is revving his engine. Now to the mods. The tiburon has a dual-quad exhaust (quad tips), enormous double decker aluminum spoiler (this is apparently becoming popular in wisconsin....), neon lights underneath the car, big gay flaming stripe decals down the sides of the car, washer LED nozzles, and wal mart spinners. Oh, and don't forget the pep boys double chrome windshield wipers.
The neon (which is purple by the way) has two racing stripes across the top of the car, a big APC sticker across the front, altezza tail lights on the back, neon lights, led nozzles, and window tint. (i wouldn't want to be a guy seen driving that thing either) Last but not least, my favorite mod. He has a f*cking decal that goes around the wheel well that makes it look like the wheel is "smoking" from spinning so much. The best part? It's on the rear wheel wells. I could drink an entire can of paint thinner and kill off any decent brain cells I had, and I still could not come up with something that f*cking stupid to put on a car. If there was ever a time I had wished I'd had a camera it was that moment. If my cell phone camera wasn't a piece of crap that gets nothing but black screen when it's dark out, i'd have a picture.
I have now finished my story. And I have no words that can even summarize the experience. There is no emoticon in the world that could describe the feeling. I left the parts store, the guy revving his tiburon to show off, and the other guy in the neon trying to figure out where he'll plug in his ***** and his shift ****.
I need a bottle of tylenol.
Last edited by S2000man01; Jul 19, 2005 at 05:24 AM.
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Where the hell do you find these people man? Pouring oil is going to make him gain a super super amount of HP? 
How old are these kids? They sound like if they are 15 years old maybe even younger even back then I knew more about cars than them (and i don't know much). As for me I love confronting people that think they know about something and then proceed to make them look stupid it brings a smile to my face.. 
2k1civic.com O. G.
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From: PhILLy, Pennsylvania, US
Rep Power: 335 bwuahahahha yeah i know how that is. I live in a very popular part of philadelphia. I live on 63rd street. RIGHT NEXT to the INFAMOUS 61st street, STREET RACES. Fools like that are out there every weekend!
Fricken Flamers 
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 51,241
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From: NV
Rep Power: 812 wow thats really....wow. Where do people come up with this crap. You should've slapped him with that bottle of oil but I guess when his engine chokes it'll be the same.
I have to add my own story here.... So there's a purple mazda6 that sits outside the Krogers here in my suburban hometown right outside of knoxville TN. This Krogers is kind of a culture center for "ricers", or mod kids, or "street racers", or whatever terminology you would like to use. This mazda has stock everything, a streetglow decal on the front windshield, and enkei (with stock wheels!) and NOS emblems on the rear bumper and windows.
I go into krogers about a week ago and start talking to one of my friends from high school who works the self-checkout line. I ask him about the mazda6 and he says this little punk rock girl (he points to her) owns the car and she claims if it has an emblem, it's on the car. So I tell him if she's running nitrous with all her stock components and no mods, she's gonna blow that car up.
Ok, fast foward about a week. I usually cruise thru the kroger parking lot at mid-afternoon on my way home from work just to see who's out and about, as i almost always run into many of my friends from school. This girl is out at her mazda6 with 2 guys and another girl, and she has her trunk open. I pull up right next to her and I say "where's the bottle". Before I have even insulted her, she immeadiately takes the defensive and says go away, you freak me out, and she won't even look at me. I ask her again where the bottle is, then i ask her if i can see it. No response. I finally laugh and tell her "this little civic will smoke the fvck outta that car. You gots no nitrous in that motherfvcker." she finally responds to that with "Read the stickers buddy". At that I rev my **** up and laugh, then leave.
Its amazing how fvcking stupid people are.
I go into krogers about a week ago and start talking to one of my friends from high school who works the self-checkout line. I ask him about the mazda6 and he says this little punk rock girl (he points to her) owns the car and she claims if it has an emblem, it's on the car. So I tell him if she's running nitrous with all her stock components and no mods, she's gonna blow that car up.
Ok, fast foward about a week. I usually cruise thru the kroger parking lot at mid-afternoon on my way home from work just to see who's out and about, as i almost always run into many of my friends from school. This girl is out at her mazda6 with 2 guys and another girl, and she has her trunk open. I pull up right next to her and I say "where's the bottle". Before I have even insulted her, she immeadiately takes the defensive and says go away, you freak me out, and she won't even look at me. I ask her again where the bottle is, then i ask her if i can see it. No response. I finally laugh and tell her "this little civic will smoke the fvck outta that car. You gots no nitrous in that motherfvcker." she finally responds to that with "Read the stickers buddy". At that I rev my **** up and laugh, then leave.
Its amazing how fvcking stupid people are.
I'll flip out and kill people.
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From: ATX, Planet Beldar
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Originally Posted by S2000man01
At this point, any attempt in logical debate with this tool would be utterly futile. I'd have better luck explaining quantam physics to a drunk chimp using popsicle sticks and a butter churn.
Drunken Master-7thgen Ninja
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From: georgia
Rep Power: 337 listen guys its our duty to help these morons by giving them truthful information about there misconceptions. to let them keep thinking those stupid things is worse than telling them the truth. next time try to explain it.
It's Nice To Be Important, But It's More Important To Be Nice.
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Rep Power: 268 OH MY FUKKING GAWD!!
Seriously dude - You should consider writing short stories for a living -
Not only did I unfortunately feel as if I was experiencing this with you, but I havent laughed that hard in a long *** time!!!
I for one wish you had the camera -
However, you really need one of these for such emergencies in the future -
Seriously dude - You should consider writing short stories for a living -
Not only did I unfortunately feel as if I was experiencing this with you, but I havent laughed that hard in a long *** time!!!
I for one wish you had the camera -
However, you really need one of these for such emergencies in the future -
A big, hairy Kentucky boy
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From: Pwnsboro, KY
Rep Power: 271
Originally Posted by White05EXSE
I finally laugh and tell her "this little civic will smoke the fvck outta that car. You gots no nitrous in that motherfvcker."she finally responds to that with "Read the stickers buddy". At that I rev my **** up and laugh, then leave.
Its amazing how fvcking stupid people are.
Its amazing how fvcking stupid people are.
Just my $.02.
RESIDENT ROTOR HEAD
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 3,207
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From: , Other, ZEBRA
Rep Power: 329 Car-Stats.com Report for 2003 Mazda 6 i
Obtained from C&D February, 2003
0-60:
7.9
Transmission: Manual
1/4 Mile:
16.4
1/4 Speed:
86
Car-Stats.com Report for 2003 Mazda 6s
Obtained from R&T February, 2003
0-60:
8.1
Transmission: Automatic
1/4 Mile:
16.3
1/4 Speed:
87
Car-Stats.com Report for 2001 Honda Civic EX
Obtained from C&D November, 2000
0-60:
8.4
Transmission: Manual
1/4 Mile:
16.7
1/4 Speed:
84
I don't think your civic is any faster than a Mazda 6.
Obtained from C&D February, 2003
0-60:
7.9
Transmission: Manual
1/4 Mile:
16.4
1/4 Speed:
86
Car-Stats.com Report for 2003 Mazda 6s
Obtained from R&T February, 2003
0-60:
8.1
Transmission: Automatic
1/4 Mile:
16.3
1/4 Speed:
87
Car-Stats.com Report for 2001 Honda Civic EX
Obtained from C&D November, 2000
0-60:
8.4
Transmission: Manual
1/4 Mile:
16.7
1/4 Speed:
84
I don't think your civic is any faster than a Mazda 6.
Last edited by nookiemonster; Jul 19, 2005 at 01:30 PM.
That is not an ordinary rabbit tis the most foul cruel beast
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Rep Power: 318 would you like cheese with all this wine? had to say it
I thought people in the midwest only own american cars... All I see when i go there is crap...
had to say it I thought people in the midwest only own american cars... All I see when i go there is crap...
Last edited by WhiteCastle; Jul 19, 2005 at 01:53 PM.
A big, hairy Kentucky boy
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 1,263
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From: Pwnsboro, KY
Rep Power: 271 Car-Stats.com Report for 2003 Mazda 6s
Obtained from C&D December, 2002
0-60: 6.8
Transmission: Manual
1/4 Mile: 15.4
1/4 Speed: 93
Can't forget the Mazda 6s M/T.
Oh and the Accord is quite a bit faster than I thought.
Car-Stats.com Report for 2003 Honda Accord EX V-6 Coupe
Obtained from MT December, 2002
0-60: 6.2
Transmission: Manual
1/4 Mile: 14.5
1/4 Speed: 98
Obtained from C&D December, 2002
0-60: 6.8
Transmission: Manual
1/4 Mile: 15.4
1/4 Speed: 93
Can't forget the Mazda 6s M/T.
Oh and the Accord is quite a bit faster than I thought.
Car-Stats.com Report for 2003 Honda Accord EX V-6 Coupe
Obtained from MT December, 2002
0-60: 6.2
Transmission: Manual
1/4 Mile: 14.5
1/4 Speed: 98
Last edited by stinkypie; Jul 19, 2005 at 01:35 PM.
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Originally Posted by stinkypie
Actually, it all depends on what trim level of the mazda 6 she has, and what your mods are. From what I understand(correct me if I'm wrong) but the Mazda 6s is just about as fast as a v6 Accord Coupe. So depending on all of that, you may be the stupid one. Our cars are not fast stock, and you do not have any performance mods listed.
Just my $.02.
Just my $.02.
