Toyota Corporation has recently announced that their next plant will not open in America, contrary Arnold Swarchenegger’s strong bid on behalf of California. Instead, Toyota will develop its monster 1,000-acre plant north of the border in Woodstock, Canada. The announcement, made last week, comes as a shocking blow to America’s already fragile economy as the plant is expected to create upward of 25,000 jobs by 2008.
The reason Toyota decided to set up shop in Canada, rather than use the cost-saving pre-built Fresno location? The American workforce is too stupid.

While Toyota spokesperson John Yarinoshi says ‘stupid’ may be too harsh a word, he claims it’s not too far off. “Nissan and Honda have encountered difficulties getting new plants up to full production in recent years in Mississippi and Alabama due to an untrained - and often illiterate – workforce,” explains Yarinoshi. “In Alabama, trainers had to use ‘pictorials’ to teach some illiterate workers how to use high-tech plant equipment. Can you imagine having to train 25% of your employees to read, let alone operate complicated multi-million dollar machinery? Why you think GM and Ford fail?”


American literacy rates are the lowest in the Western Hemisphere at 67%, not much better than Angola’s 63% literacy rate. But reading and writing ability are the least important of their concerns, according to Yarinoshi. “Yes, they are not the most efficient, productive workforce, but that alone I could live with. It’s the unions and the ludicrous demands from such a lazy lot that have really angered top execs in the company. How can someone demand $55,000 a year for putting bolts on wheels – and requiring 2.5 years (of company paid) training for the job at that!”

Toyota is expecting much better results from the Canadians, whom are known for their conservative, business-friendly policies, anti-unionist mentality, and their willingness to work for slave wages. “Canadians don’t care, they’re given a job and they do it. Pay is the least of their concern, as they’re happy to work, not like the socialist minded American workers.”

Toyota’s decision took the country by surprise, and even though it’s angered many Americans, Toyota expects to keep its market share. Ron Harding disagrees. “Here’s another example of corporate greed at it’s finest. They’re exploiting Canadians for their cheap labor, but who’s going to buy their product? Not me. I don’t have a job or a license, how can I afford it? And even if they did open up a plant here, I wouldn’t want to work for the fascist ****** anyway.”

Harding claims that it’s proof that the Bush administration is sleeping with the corporate enemy. “Here we have comparable literacy rates to Africa, and instead of educating our own people the government sends billions over to Live-8 and to Africa, to pay for their cell phones and Wal-Mart satellite stores. We’ve got to wake up, get off our fat asses and make these bastards hear us. We can’t idly sit by and watch Canadians and Africans steal our jobs and consumer products.”

But I guess sitting idly by watching Oprah, well, that’s a different story.

While Toyota spokesperson John Yarinoshi says ‘stupid’ may be too harsh a word, he claims it’s not too far off. “Nissan and Honda have encountered difficulties getting new plants up to full production in recent years in Mississippi and Alabama due to an untrained - and often illiterate – workforce,” explains Yarinoshi. “In Alabama, trainers had to use ‘pictorials’ to teach some illiterate workers how to use high-tech plant equipment. Can you imagine having to train 25% of your employees to read, let alone operate complicated multi-million dollar machinery? Why you think GM and Ford fail?”