Love of my life.

modoman · 11-05-2008

Yes. It is for real. I am old enough to not fall victim to hindsight. Granted I am not old enough to be a wise old owl, but I am wisened indeed and mature beyond my years. I know what is worth having in life, am smart enough to make intelligent and sensible decisions. Blah blah I am trying to tell you that I am not on a whim nor am I in lust, obsession, infatuation etc.

For anyone reading this that has literally found their soul mate, then only you can understand.

I have found the one person that completes me. She and I are a million piece puzzle that fits together perfectly. Except for 1 uncontrollable piece: I am in the military and about to leave for 6 months to go to a specialized school, and then off to my next 3 year tour before my enlistment is up; she just landed an amazing job that was offered to her out of the blue by a previous employer in which she will basically end up being a vice president of an electronic banking center within a year and a half. I mean something that, albeit doesn't pay as much as the title may make you think, is worth more than money in experience and title/responsibility alone.

So, long story short, I am leaving in about 45 days. We have been together for about 4 months. I would propose knowing I could easily commit the rest of my life to her and see myself for the first time having a family when I never thought it would even cross my mind. I would propose if it weren't additional strain on what will be a 1500 mile relationship, and if it weren't to be some sort of obligation, despite agreement that it wouldn't be, to move to me. She has been burned horribly in the past by arranging her life for the wrong man, and is just emotionally exhausted. What she has been through is unspeakable, but she is stronger than any person I have EVER met. She amazes me, and we are madly in love.

Long story short: I have found my soul mate, and she has found hers. I am forced to leave her for about 3 1/2 years, and she is basically forced to stay where she is for as long (many factors, just pretend she is forced as well).

WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO? I don't expect any advice on this really, or anything new that I have not thought of. Hell, I never read posts this long myself. But it makes me feel slightly less nauseous just typing this. I am not religious, but I have found what faith is with this woman. I have prayed to God that I will never lose her. She and I together are a sum greater than the parts. I need help, because if I lose her I will be losing the one thing I have finally realized I have been missing in my life to make me happy for the last 15 years and I will never be quite the same without her. I am seeking answers I don't think anyone can give me but I feel better typing this out.

Thanks. I feel much better after typing this out in a frenzied storm of confusion and emotion. This still is more painful than anything in my life... contemplating the very possible reality of losing the one person that is right for me that is. Fucking hell.

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gearbox · 11-05-2008

if you guys were meant to be, you will stick it out and meet up a few yrs from now when everything settles. dont look at marriage like a way to make things all better and keep you two together. thats prolly the worst thing to do. if there is real love then that is more important to keeping you both together than any piece of legal paper. have you talked to her about it? does she want a future with you and willing to wait another few yrs?

DeX · 11-05-2008

Listen to the song Traveling Soldier by Dixie Chicks.

speedfoos · 11-05-2008

Are you going overseas for this assignment? If not, that's what weekends are for. You get 2.5 days of leave each month. Use them to go see her. She also gets vacation for her job that she can use to come she see you.

Depending on your rank and job, work the TDYs to get close to wear she is while getting Uncle Sam to pay for it. In the Army at least, after you're stationed somewhere for a year, you can drop a request to get stationed somewhere else. While it may not be approved (you have to justify it based on current and future job, not personal reasons), it's worth a shot.

Albertross · 11-05-2008

You probably may not want to read this, but I suggest breaking it off.

Reason? Well to be frank, 3.5 years is a VERY long time, no matter how strong your bond is, it WILL break down. The magnitude of how much it will break down depends on how much you really want to try to keep things together.

And like you mentioned, she is emotionally exhausted. To wait for you and to worry about you will only make her exhausted even more.

You may want to wait because you cannot stand losing her, and that is very understandable. But in the grand scheme of things, if you really cared for her, then you wouldn't put her through that hardship again. Get through that hardship before you leave so that she doesn't have to endure it during your leave, and she can properly move on with her life.

sicma99ot · 11-05-2008

i would do what foos suggested.

if that falls through, put the relationship on hold while you are gone. ask her if she'll wait for you to get back. when you get back pick things up. dont marry her for the wrong reason.

hope it all works out for you

gearbox · 11-06-2008

you could always just disappear with her

sicma99ot · 11-06-2008

^yea AWOL ftw

modoman · 11-06-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by gearbox

if you guys were meant to be, you will stick it out and meet up a few yrs from now when everything settles. dont look at marriage like a way to make things all better and keep you two together. thats prolly the worst thing to do. if there is real love then that is more important to keeping you both together than any piece of legal paper. have you talked to her about it? does she want a future with you and willing to wait another few yrs?

yeah we have talked about it. we both see ourselves with each other in 10 years. it's something between us where we both know it is the best thing to ever happen to us. the whole marriage is just me saying i know i will marry her, or would if ths seperation doesn't end it. it wouldn't be for anything other than because it is a commitment to each other for a life of faithful love and togetherness. not to hold things togethter. we both have talked about marriage and are clear as to what it means to both of us, and we both want it but understand that it is not good right before a long distance relationship. so, we are going to make goals and plans to see each other at times before i leave because playing it by ear would be disastrous.

an update: something happened early wednesday morning that may postpone my school and keep me static for another year, so i may not have to worry about the seperation at all....

in any case, thank you all for the input, as this might just be the most serious thing i ever posted on here. you guys are awesome

CiViCPrAnInG2k1 · 11-30-2008

congratulations MODO.. woot!