This may be long so please take the time to read it. I dont post too mcuh, but I really need some help. The girl that I have been with for 10 months recently told me she was confused and needed some time to figure things out about where our realtionship was going. This happened Sunday, in the months leading to this she started hanging out with these three other guys, she would ask me if it was ok, since they were friends from church I said ok. But she started forgetting to call me when she was with them and when I would call she would say "O, I am hanging out with friends and it's rude to talk on the phone," even though when she was with me and one of the m called or texted she would talk back, after me asking her to stop. Monday night she went out to celebration station ( if you live by New Orleans you know what it is and maybe can help explain what it is to other readers.) and I called and she told me she going home and told me she would call when she got home, that was 10:15. She didnt call, so i took a ride by her house around 12 to see her car not there, I called her and she didnt answer, she called back at 12:15 saying she was sorry she fell asleep when she got home. I told her she was lying, she said yea I was with Kyle and David ( church guys but I had recently told her I didnt want here hainging out with them) she said she didnt want to upset me, good job. SO here is something I did, and yes I know how wrong it was (at least i think so, some friends think I was justified), so pelase dont tell me that. I coudlnt trust her when she said there was no one else. I had her email password....... One guy is professing his love for her telling her it is God's will for them to be together, but I still believed her when she said she didnt feel the same for him. What got me, she had emailed a guy she met off the net, who lives prob about 35 or 40 min away that she liked him and from what she could tell, he liked her, so what was the prob? I was like WTF, she kept leaving that out when I asked if she feelings for someone else, so I told here what I did. She got pissed but she told me she did have small feelings for him but they were nothing compared to what she felt for me. I dont understand how when you love someone like she loved me (I hope) you can develop feelings for someone else. Sorry for the long post, but work is slow and I could use some help.
Thanks
Update: Everyone thanks for the replies, I am 20 and she is 19, we are both still young. It's good to know that I can come here and get honest answers from people. I am still working through this bull, but after some talks and such I am starting to feel better. Anyway gotta get back to work
Last edited by devilvtec : 07-02-2004 at 10:20 AM.
sit her ass down and talk to her. tell her no BS no nothing everything comes out or u walk. its either u or them, or once again you walk. not worth it if she is so fickle. hope it works out good luck.
I know exactly what you are going through... Happened to me actually like 3 days ago.
What basically have to do what ricergribbs mentioned. Just get her alone, and tell her whats on your mind, and tell her to give u the 100% truth.
Keep in mind that the truth can hurt you... So, If she doesnt want to have the relationship, then dont force one because its not gonna work. You gotta tell her how you feel man. Honestly, there is some shady stuff going around.
i know what im about to say is hard to understand, but if ur dating someone and then all of a sudden they start to have a change of heart, its gonna be hard to get them back.
if shes not feeling u anymore and is hanging out with other guys thats kinda a sign that she wants to end it. just talk to her and see whats really goin on and work on it.
i know its hard but you gotta decide something thats best for both of you
She either wants to end the relationship or you're getting boring for her. If you really want to get her attention back, FORGET to call her. Like tell her your gonna call her at a certain time but don't, don't call her AT ALL! If you do this a few times it will get her to think wtf you're up to. You also need to hang out more with your friends and female friends. Another thing you can do is make plans to go to the movies and stand her ass up. When she bi*ches just say "oh, my bad, I feel asleep" or "I went out with some friends, didn't I tell you I changed plans? Oops."
Whatever you do, don't act desparate. Don't call her all the time, don't swing by her house and crap, thats sissy crap. You already told her you don't like the sh*t she is doing and she still don't listen. Either you switch rolls and do the same to her or f**k her one last time and dump her when you're done giving her a face pirate, aarrrr matey!!
She sounds like she has a dilemma. To me, I think that she is just trying to spare your feelings from being hurt, while at the same time acting so confused about where her feelings truly are.
Like the others said, you need to go someplace private, quiet, etc. Sit her down and tell her how you feel and what the last couple of days have done to you. Don't pressure her into giving you answers, but rather explain how you feel, and perhaps the rest will just come out. Try to make the situation as an understanding moment rather than an inquisition. Don't make her feel like she is "on the spot" but that you think there is something wrong by telling her how you feel.
this is exactly the reason i dont like my boyfriends to have friends of the same sex that they prefer to hang out w/ on a daily basis... i mean instead of hangin w/ them, y couldnt she have brouhgt u to the thingy u are talking about (the whole 1215 am thing)... im tellin u... one thing leads to another and as soon as your signif other starts to have feelings for someone else - its over... no matter how much they say they care about u and they love you... i speak from the most personal of experience... move on... 10 months is long enough to fall in love but its also not long enough to break your heart if u guys break up... i say end it now and save yourself the pain of staying w/ her knowing she has "small feelings" for someone else... whatever the amount of feelings - if they arent 100% for u then u need to move on.
Dump her. She's dishonest and inconsiderate. If you want to talk about it, PM me and I'll give you my screen name. I was in a very similiar situation more than once, and I've learned a lot.
that might be true white2k2ex but u cant say it about everyone. if he actually sits her down and talks to her about how he feels about what shes doing she might realize how much he cares about her. plus he might learn a few things, i wouldnt recommend dumping her right off, talk to her first.
my ex did the same to me,,,,,almost exactly the same, and after the "talk" we started fighting more and more and after 3yrs on and off i called it quits. I would end it now and not call her, see if she regrets what she did and comes running back, but don't give in too easily. If you sit and talk, it makes it seem as if your begging her to stay, almost all women hate that, it would show your a wimp and she will do whatever she wants, ive been there. She probably wants someone more confident in themselfs and is not getting it with you, your probably a great person but some women have ways to test a guys mind and do it good. hope for the best to you.
up to u really devilvtec, u know her better then any of us. u should know how she'ld react if u sat her down and talked to her or if u just stopped calling her and the such. whichever u believe is the choice she'ld react to favorably for u is the one u should go with. its not a 100% gaurantee she'll be with u but u have to make the choice u believe is best.
I agree that you need to sit down with her - in person - and calmly tell her how you feel about everything. Tell her how inconsiderate she has been, especially because you aren't just anybody, you're her boyfriend.
She isn't treating you like a priority like she should, she's exploring feelings for other people, and she isn't being honest with you. It isn't the end of the world for you two, but your relationship continuing will rely on her straightening herself out. If she can't or isn't willing, or isn't sure she's interested in even bothering, then you need to find someone worth your time.
It's always hard to contemplate letting someone you love go, and harder to actually do it. But if it wasn't meant to be, soon enough you realize that you did the right thing for yourself.
Don't be a punk about it. Go in, sit her down, and tell her your honest feelings. You can't spare her feelings, because she evidently has hurt you. Let her know that you don't like the shady ish she's doing, and that you'd rather her stop the bullish. If she doesn't respect you, and you don't respect yourself enough to keep yourself from potentially getting hurt, you're fighting a losing battle. Let her know how you feel. If she doesn't feel the same, it's not worth it.
i've been in a simliar position as the girl...i made friends with some guys and hung out with them...then my ex got jealous...the more jealous he got the more i didn't want to be with him cause i felt he didn't trust me...he kinda cracked when one was going to take me to a dance he wasn't able to go to (and i did ask him if it was alright with him and i did develop small feelings for the guy but it was nothing and i wouldn't have taken them seriously) and my ex ended up breaking up with me because he wouldn't try to understand where i was coming from...
from being in a simliar position, i think you shouldn't press it just yet, give her some time to sort out her feelings and then sit down and talk to her, i'm sure she will come to you when she figures everything out
Well i think you need to either dump her or if you cannot bring yourself to do that, show her what it feels like to be neglected. Give her some time, but then sit her down and talk to her and lay the laws down. You didnt start dating her with days like these in your dreams, so remind her of that. And her email habits have gotta get kicked to the curb man. She cannot be emailing random people like this, thats dishonest as anything. If shes doing that now...Think about a relationship with here a few yrs from now. If so early in shes doing this, she either needs to learn now that this is unaceptable or she will continue in her ways eternally.
Good luck man, and Im real sorry to hear abt this.
Problems with G/f *updated* 
I told her she was lying, she said yea I was with Kyle and David ( church guys but I had recently told her I didnt want here hainging out with them) she said she didnt want to upset me, good job. SO here is something I did, and yes I know how wrong it was (at least i think so, some friends think I was justified), so pelase dont tell me that. I coudlnt trust her when she said there was no one else. I had her email password....... One guy is professing his love for her telling her it is God's will for them to be together, but I still believed her when she said she didnt feel the same for him. What got me, she had emailed a guy she met off the net, who lives prob about 35 or 40 min away that she liked him and from what she could tell, he liked her, so what was the prob? I was like WTF, she kept leaving that out when I asked if she feelings for someone else, so I told here what I did. She got pissed but she told me she did have small feelings for him but they were nothing compared to what she felt for me. I dont understand how when you love someone like she loved me (I hope) you can develop feelings for someone else. Sorry for the long post, but work is slow and I could use some help.
