bad relationship with parents

[skyblue]

I've never posted anything like this on here before, but I'm so stressed out over this... Growing up i've never been close to my dad. My mom died when I was 8, and my dad spent most of his time working (he works in New York City during the week, and comes home on the weekends) or doing stuff with my brother. It's never bothered me at all, I have awesome friends and i'm a really happy person. Well now i'm 19 and a sophomore in college. He suddenly has decided he wants to be more involved in my life and practically run it. I had plans to go to a car show this past weekend and had been telling him for weeks, then suddenly he said i couldnt go. I went anyways, i figured it's not like i would have been home much over the weekend anyways (i'm rarely at my house). Well now he's freaking out and wants to send me to family therapy with him because we have "no trust and no relationship" and he thinks we need to work on stuff. I told him no and he freaked out and said i cant leave the house. Then he hid all my car keys. He told me something is wrong with me and I need help. Little does he know I am the happiest person ever and i'm great with how things are in my life. Basically I need some advice on how to make him realize that he can't wait 19 years to try to make a relationship with me and then expect me to listen to every word he says. He's never been there for me in the past, and suddenly he wants to run my life and change who I am. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this?

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[Mr.Modify]

Originally Posted by skyblue382

I've never posted anything like this on here before, but I'm so stressed out over this...

Growing up i've never been close to my dad. My mom died when I was 8, and my dad spent most of his time working (he works in New York City during the week, and comes home on the weekends) or doing stuff with my brother. It's never bothered me at all, I have awesome friends and i'm a really happy person. Well now i'm 19 and a sophomore in college. He suddenly has decided he wants to be more involved in my life and practically run it. I had plans to go to a car show this past weekend and had been telling him for weeks, then suddenly he said i couldnt go. I went anyways, i figured it's not like i would have been home much over the weekend anyways (i'm rarely at my house). Well now he's freaking out and wants to send me to family therapy with him because we have "no trust and no relationship" and he thinks we need to work on stuff. I told him no and he freaked out and said i cant leave the house. Then he hid all my car keys. He told me something is wrong with me and I need help. Little does he know I am the happiest person ever and i'm great with how things are in my life.

Basically I need some advice on how to make him realize that he can't wait 19 years to try to make a relationship with me and then expect me to listen to every word he says. He's never been there for me in the past, and suddenly he wants to run my life and change who I am. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this?

hmmm well honestly if something like that happened to me and my Mom/dad tried to get more involved with me when they weren't doing it in the first place i would be like "Mom/Dad before you tried becoming more involved in my life i was doing fine and now you try spending time with me and it's makinng me miserable.....if you wanna become more involved in my life come to the car show with me for starters(assuming you wouldn't mind) ..dont just tell me know when you knew i wanted to go unless there is some good reason for it?" things like that cause i wuld just straight up tell my parents "mom/dad i was ****ing fine before you started doing things with me so just leave me alone"

[PunkingCivic]

1.
I start off telling Him that your an adult now and you need to be treated like one.

2.
The theripist thing wouldn't be that bad would It. It woul gine the both of you a platform with a moderator in which to speak about your relationship and understand where each of you are coming from. I would assume It would be hard for a father to relate to his daughter after a mothers death, He probibly didn't know how to handle raising a daughter. Now he fells guilty and is trying to make up for it but doesn't know how to start. The theripist might help both of you to understand each other better so you can both develope a positive relationship. Be happy you have a father and try to salvage the relationship with the one parent that you have left.

[EManEX]

Therapy would be a good idea for BOTH of you.

You say:

He suddenly has decided he wants to be more involved in my life and practically run it.

Lets break this down in two parts. Okay?

1st. Maybe he realized that he needs to be there for you. Yes it's late but better late than never. For example you realized that you haven’t been changing the oil in you car and it has 35,000 miles. Would you say “Well I haven’t been taking care of her (car) why start now?” Can you see where I’m getting at?

2nd. It may just seem like he wants to "…(practically) run it." because, one, you are not used to him being involved too much and two, he is not used to being involved either; therefore none of you know the limits.

It is really hard for a teen or in your case a young adult to forgive and start over in situations like this. If you and your father can’t work stuff out by your self then therapy would be a good idea; but like I said for both.

Hope it helps.

[GreenKermet_Si]

Originally Posted by skyblue382

Well now he's freaking out and wants to send me to family therapy with him because we have "no trust and no relationship" and he thinks we need to work on stuff.

Little does he know I am the happiest person ever and i'm great with how things are in my life.

make him realize that he can't wait 19 years to try to make a relationship with me and then expect me to listen to every word he says. He's never been there for me in the past, and suddenly he wants to run my life and change who I am.

Welp, My dear Sweetie...your father is an ass. And now he's trying to make up for being a dumb-ass.

Your dad sounds like he alienated you because in a way I bet you reminded him of your mom a whole lot. That's normal but not for 19 yrs! My bets are that now that your fully grown and happy he's seeing it more and hates to see you go on with your life without him...sorta like regret but more like "what if I need you in the future?" I've had grandfathers like this and I hate them.

You need to sit down one day and say, "Sure, lets have a talk one-on-one...but this time you stop talking for once and let me do the talking. I'm not your baby...you were never there for me so I taught myself to grow up. I'm my own adult and this is how I feel." Then just tell him everything. How your use to doing these things you are now with your life. Tell him that you don't wanna see a Therapist because all they will say is how bad he was. Trust that one! They will ring his neck in there and break him to his knees. I know I would. And thats' what I'm studying to be. If I was your therapist I'd ask that you stay and give your father a BIG inside on how your life was like without him but then I'd tell you to live your life the way you feel it should be. Your dad lost his chance then...and its only up to you on whether or not you want him back. If not then he'll have to except it. You may need to get your own place too. If your still living at home I bet he'll keep trying this shit until you find a way to get away from him. *huggle* I'm sorry but this is really your decision. Good luck and remember we'll be here for you.

[ssmshortie]

wow you already sound professional at this kinda stuff greenkermet.

Good luck with dealing with this problem girl. Unfortuantly I live with both parents and they constintly argue and tell me im not doing stuff right, im coming home late. I even call on my way home to please them then i get home and they still argue sayin how late it is ahh. I can't wait till i can afford to move out.