Ok, I have never done this in off topic before, but I just feel the need to rant and hopefully you all will listen. Things haven't been going so well with me lately, and I'm not one to go and post my problems on a forum, but I figure you all are just like any other people, and I could even say this whole forum can be like a family because we can give advice here and take it there, know what I mean? Anyway, so on New Year's Day my gf and I broke up (I won't mention any names cause I feel as though its not necessary). We've been together for almost one year (I know its not very long as compared to many of you on this forum), and this was my longest relationship ever. So, I've just been a wreck lately, mainly because I try to talk to her, whether it be by phone or the internet, and everytime we talk it seems like we always get into a fight or whatnot. I have been trying to make things go well with her while we were together, I'd let her go out partying (her first year of college), but I can't say I wasn't worried at some points cause alot of the parties she goes to are frat parties. Keep in mind that she doesn't (or I'm assuming) drink much. I guess I just felt left out at times cause she'd just be out partying like its not problem, but when I was the only one in college when our relationship was good, I NEVER went out partying. I didnt' drink or smoke or anything like that, and I did that all for her so she wouldn't have to worry about me. I think maybe this sounds unfair because she seems to have no problem with partying. I trust her and all, but it was like she was starting to choose her club, which is a korean student thing, over me. I don't mean to sound selfish, or a jerk, but it kind of sucks when she chooses one of their meetings (where she drinks just about everytime) over spending some time with her boyfriend. So over a span of about 4 months that she's been in college, alot of people have noticed that she's changed ALOT. Now she goes clubbing probably once a week, but I guess I have to understand that she has nothing else to do over there. It hurts though because those were the things that I never did to her, and now she's doing them to me.
So, anyway, fastforward to last Saturday, which also happened to be my birthday. I waited for her all day that day cause she promised to take me out to lunch/dinner. So I basically thought she'd be around at 12 pm, which she wasn't. She eventually came around at 5, and we went out to a steak house and had dinner. I admit it was fun, but just being with her hurt cause we weren't together anymore. Later on we ended up going to my house cause my family had a party for me. We end up kissing in my room, and I guess we both thought that things could/would get better from then on. Anyway, later that night, my friends took me out to a party (21st birthday, how can I say no). I told her (my ex) that I would call her to see if she wanted to go to the party. My friends and I eventually left to go to the party at around 11, at which point I thought she wouldn't be able to come anymore cause her parents would most likely trip (mistake on my part, I know). So I ended up at the party, and got drunk to the point where people had to watch over me, but not drunk enough to where I didn't remember anything that happened that night. It was fun cause it was the first time I had drank in about 2 years, and its been the first party I've been to in 2 years also. There were girls at the party (not many), some were cute, but I had no intentions of "hooking up" with any of them cause I still felt that I had a connection with my ex and I THOUGHT that I was being "faithful" by not "hooking up" with anyone, and so I didn't.
So, Sunday comes along, and after getting over being drunk (never drinking again for a while), I decided to call her. She had already left her parents house and was headed back to school. She didn't pick up her phone on the first 2 calls I made and I asked her why. She told me she was angry with me cause I didn't call her last night. I admit that I didn't call her, but I texted her to let her know when I was about to go to sleep (pretty hard to do while still being drunk). I thought it was unnecessary for her to get mad at me over something so petty, and I told her what had happened that night. During that conversation though, she ended up thinking that I was planning on hooking up with a girl. I mean, come on now, first off I never planned/wanted to hook up with any girl, and second, I never really bitched at her whenever she'd go out to the frat parties that she goes to, seeing that there would be a plenty of guys there. Basically, she told me she wanted to come to the party and drink with me and watch over me if I happened to get drunk (which seems like she wanted to make sure that I stayed away from any girls).
I have been faithful to this girl throughout our entire relationship (11 months), and I found it unfair that she would think that after I go out to party ONE time when we're NOT EVEN TOGETHER, that I would just get with another girl like that. Now, I'm hating myself for putting so much time and effort into her, but then again, that's what being "in love" does to a guy or even a girl. I have been trying hard not to think about her, but its incredibly difficult. I've been lagging in my school work (2nd week of the quarter), and I just wish that I could stop thinking about her. My friends finally told me that they haven't like her or even the way she's been treating me for a while now, but they never told me this before cause they respected my decision to stay with her. I'm really hating life right now. All I want to do is try to keep my mind off of her. I want to go partying and even drinking just to keep myself occupied, but that's probably the same thing she's doing. I want to go out and meet girls, but I'm scared to get too close to them cause of her. So, basically, as my friends put it I'm stuck on a leash. It sucks, and I just want to get away. I want to stop talking to her, but a part of me is still like "you have to hold on", which really gets in the way. I'm stuck thinking that this whole relationship failed because of me, even though I know deep down that I tried so hard to be the best boyfriend to her that I could be. I don't know what else to do anymore.
So, now I guess my rant is over (sorry if its long, but thanks for reading). Any opinions are welcome, and sorry if this rant seems selfish on my part or if it makes me seem like a jerk. Thanks 7thgen.
After reading your post, it sounds like you are really in a tough spot.
From reading your post alone and not knowing anything else about you, I would offer this advice: come to a conclusion with her, either being to end the relationship or to continue it. It has been MY experience that relationships in college are very tricky, especially when two people are at two different colleges. That is just my opinion, though. But it sounds as if you are "together off and on but not really together", which can be crazy, as you are noticing.
Another idea you could try is writing to her. It may sound lame in today's world of IMs and cell phones, but there's something about a real hand-written letter. It might be a better way to communicate with her. Plus, you'll probably feel better having done something concrete with all of your pent up emotions.
Those are just my ideas. I hope it works out for you.
i agree with this to
Another idea you could try is writing to her. It may sound lame in today's world of IMs and cell phones, but there's something about a real hand-written letter. It might be a better way to communicate with her. Plus, you'll probably feel better having done something concrete with all of your pent up emotions.
also agree about its difficult if u two are at different college's like my sister she's at nova and her bf is at a college in north carolina they keep argueing and stuff saying they dont get to see eachother, but my sister doesnt have the nerve to tell him its not working since she never has the money to go visit and stuff ahh and she always comes and vents to me cause my parnts just blow her off
Welp, sorry to say it...but she's tasted college freshman freedom of partying! I can see why she'd be pissed that you didn't call but she shouldn't condemn you to hell over it either. It was your damn birthday! So, you got carried away and kinda forgot...no biggie.
(*Psstt...^.~ By the way, Happy Belated Birthday, Cutie!*)
Neways, I would try to back off for a bit. You need to sit down and tell her what's going on in your head. Tell her why you were always so upset recently. I use to get onto my guy alot for that. If I can't read your mental thoughts how the hell am I suppose to know your pissed over something?! O.o
So, tell her. If you want to keep this girl in your life even as a friend you need to set a goal to communicate better w/ her. If she doesn't have the same patience than, Sweetie, you need to find a woman who can handle a relationship maturely. Cuz' for one this isn't a high school relationship...your both adults. If you can't talk to each other like you would as best friends there can never be a solid relationship as a 'couple'. Think of it that way. *huggle* Sorry though. Hope things work out better for you soon.
Dude i know the feeling about still feeling that connection with your ex, i had that too, and it would feel weird to "hook up" with other girls because you still feel that something is there between your ex and you. I don't think you should feel guilty for not calling her, she should be happy that you went out and had fun. If she was so concerned about you hooking up with other girls then it seems like she still has a thing for you. A year is a long time even if you don't think it is, you definately get some serious feelings towards a person in that kind of a time frame. But that's just what i think, sorry if it doesn't make any sense, if you'd like me to clear anything up just let me know haha. Hope everything works out for the best.
i totally get what you're saying...i guess that's y i felt guilty and didn't even want to talk to any girls at the party....and greenkermet..thanks for the birthday wish! i made a thread about it last week! haha...but yeah things are getting a little better...slowly...i know it'll take a long time...i knew you guys/girls would be able to understand the emotions coming over me right now...it feels good to know people actually care...thanks!
Dude, thats women for ya.. I've heard you're story from some of my friends who had longer relationships and they turned into a wreck for a couple of weeks too, not to mention I went through something similar. I'm sorry it happens, I'm sorry girls can be self-centered and unfair and I have plenty instances to back up those findings. Eventually you have to find something that you enjoy doing the most, wether it be playing PS2, smoking, going to clubs or even going to school.. most likely that thing will take your mind off her at the same time, then eventually you do simple things and things that agravate you without having to do a little memory check of how things use to be. Atleast thats what I did and it worked.. a year after we stopped talking again, I told her evvvvvverything that was still on my mind and she took it because that bitch knew what she did, then we just became like talking friends (she lives in NC now).. but theres my 2 cents bud, good luck.
^^syndrome is right, you'll eventually find something that will take your mind off of everything, i moved out of the town i lived in just to get away from all the bullshit. Just try to keep yourself occupied and you'll be a lot happier
From what I read, it sounds like you are a nice guy. Mistake number one. Female partners want a guy who is an ass. No matter what they say, they want a boyfriend who is going to tell them what they can and cannot do. Sorry ladies, but it is true. Every single nice guy out there is cheated on. It really sucks, because girls say they want a nice guy who is compasionate and listens, but that is a lie, as soon as they get a chance to they cheat on you with a person who is an ass.
So you are asking, who the hell is Max Sin and why does he think he knows so much. Bio: I am 22 years of age, I have dated them all from nerds to blondes, my current relationship is going on 5 years now. 5 freaking years, too long... lol. Maybe I am just lucky. I have had two relationships when I was always the nice guy, "Sure honey, you can go to that party, I will just stay home." Both of those relationships came to an end when I fired them for cheating on me. A good friend of mine, was the nice guy once, yep, she cheated on him. His next relationship he was an ass, He ended the relationship about 1 year ago, she still calls him.
Don't hate me, this is just my philosophy. On the whole it works, but there are those occasions when it does not work. I find that a combination of 1/2 ass to 1/2 nice guy works out the best.
^ i'm not gunna hate on you....everyone's entitled to their opinions of course...and yeah i dunno if i can bring myself to be an "ass" to a girl...it just really isn't me...but for sure i'll be more careful in the future...and i'm gunna do all the stuff i didn't get to do in this relationship for my next one (keeping the partying/drinking/whatever stuff in control of course ) but as of now i'm just looking forward to having time for me and my friends...and of course my car...geez how it could've been hooked up so much more if i hadn't had a gf ...but obviously in the end i would've rather have had a gf...cause there's always that sense of security when you're with your 'significant other'...ya know? well anyway as always thanks for the input!
haha so true, my car would have everything i ever wanted on it if i didn't have a g/f. But like you, i would've rather had a g/f then have my car done up.
Okay, your story is kinda freaking me out, so someone please tell me: Do all girls go "wild" [or at least become party-happy] when they first enter college? My girl is my best friend, and she's got good morals, etc. I always let her go places with guys that I now am sure like her, and she is very very very loyal. If we go to different colleges [we already go to different high schools], will it break us up?
Just looking for people to listen. 
) but as of now i'm just looking forward to having time for me and my friends...and of course my car...geez how it could've been hooked up so much more if i hadn't had a gf 
...but obviously in the end i would've rather have had a gf...cause there's always that sense of security when you're with your 'significant other'...ya know? well anyway as always thanks for the input!
